Michelle Pfeiffer is (finally) an old hag!

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Did anyone else get a ticket for “Hairspray” just to see if Michelle Pfeiffer’s flawless face is still holding up? C’mon, admit it. And what a waste of money, huh?  She doesn’t look one darn day older than she did a decade ago. It’s starting to really annoy me. I know she’s getting anti-aging assistance from someone and I want their phone numbers, dammit.

But I just saw a movie to fulfill your wildest fantasy: watching Pfeiffer finally get old. Really old.

I saw “Stardust,” a rip-roaring new romance/adventure/fantasy film based on Neil Gaiman’s acclaimed graphic novel. In it, Pfeiffer plays Lamia, a deliciously wicked sorceress who seeks eternal youth and is willing to slice open Claire Danes' character’s chest and eat her heart to get it.

The movie is great fun and also stars Robert De Niro, Ricky Gervais, Peter O’Toole,  Rupert Everett, Sienna Miller and the adorable Charlie Cox as the film's hero, Tristan.

But the kick for me was seeing Pfeiffer's evil witch losing her youthful good looks after getting a temporary youth boost from a fallen star. With every spell she casts, her power is diminished and she watches in horrified frustation as her old age spots appear and darken and veins begin to bulge on her hands.

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Throughout the film, her eyelids droop, her neck gets wattled, her hair falls out, her lips shrivel. When she catches a glimpse of herself in a carriage window and casts a spell to pull her sagging jowls back up, her breasts promptly sag. Middle-aged women everywhere are sure to identify with Lamia's plight.

"Stardust" is a great ride for all ages; a sweet romance for young adults, a fun fairy tale for teens. Hilarious, sweeping and sometimes scary, it's also a good morality tale for all boomers wrestling with the inevitable signs of aging, which some days is enough to make you wanna snarf some nubile blonde's still-beating heart.

For me, the moral of "Stardust" is: Go ahead and fight the small aging battles. Just don’t count on winning the war.

Want to see what she looks like as a hot young witch? Keep reading....

Photo Credits: No amount of Botox or filler can help Michelle Pfeiffer, er, Lamia, and her evil old witch sisters in "Stardust."
Photos courtesy of Paramount