Styles & Scenes

The many faces of Cojo

Covering Hollywood's red carpets has definitely taken a toll on Steven Cojocaru, the flamboyant fashion reporter usually endured on Entertainment Tonight.

The style sniper used to be a dead ringer for hip hairstylist-to-the-stars Sally Hershberger.

But at the recent Emmys, Cojo appeared to be morphing into talk show hostess Ellen DeGeneres.

And you thought Joan Rivers was scary…..

Photo Credits: WireImage

Karl Lagerfeld shows his face in Hollywood

Was Chanel designer Karl Lagerfeld's recent appearance in Beverly Hills designed (sorry) to boost the house’s sagging image in the aftermath of the 2006 award season dress debacle?

C’mon, you remember that style scandal: Chanel gave Reese Witherspoon a so-called vintage frock to wear to the 2006 Golden Globes that had been previously worn by Kirsten Dunst to a 2005 Globes party? Ouch.

But apparently Herr Karl is above all that mundane mortal stuff. He was here Friday night strictly to unveil and celebrate (er, publicize) a champagne, Dom Perignon Rose Vintage 1996, with ads photographed by Lagerfeld. And you thought all he could do was design dresses! He also shot the ads for 1998 vintage uncorked last year. Yeah, I know. I don’t much care either.

Anyway, the party was held high in the hills in a private home and yes, A-list stars came out dressed in Chanel attire: Eva Herzigova, Jessica Simpson, Maria Bello, Thora Birch, Kelly Lynch and Pierce Brosnan. Suffice to say that Lindsay Lohan looked none too pleased about being forced to pose with Lagerfeld and her nemesis Paris Hilton who giggled throughout pal Brandon Davis's recent video rant about Lohan's genitalia. (I'll show you Fire Crotch, you little -------!)

Non A-listers Brittany Murphy, Courtney Love and Mickey Rourke were also there, no doubt invited for the unpredictable edgy frisson of self destruction they bring that every good party needs.

Both Love and Rourke have taken self-improvement too much to heart. Or rather, face.

Rourke’s distorted kisser – a seriously surgical work in progress -  is starting to look even more cartoony than that of his “Sin City” prosthestic palooka.

Love, meanwhile, appeared to be staying on the straight and narrow. She didn’t even bare her breasts once!

But judging from her painfully immobilized kisser, she may have seriously ODed on Botox in the past few weeks.

LA designer Jennifer Nicholson, Jack’s daughter also showed up to see Karl. And is it just me or does she not look just like her dad in drag?

Hey, if her fashion career flops, she could always get a job starring in a traveling tranny production of "The Shining" or "Five Easy Pieces."

Finally, can we talk about the incredibly shrinking Lagerfeld?

A vaporous mist of his former self, we suspect the designer has been receiving text messaged diet tips from Nicole Richie, who was noticeably not at the party but was probably not home eating dinner either.

Photo Credits: A sullen Lindsay Lohan poses with Karl Lagerfeld and Paris Hilton. Man, I'd hate to be in Karl's place, sandwiched between those two hissing kittens. Pfft, pfft!
WireImage/Eric Charbonneau

Photo Credits: Mickey Rourke looks so surgically altered, he could star in a Witness Protection Program.
WireImage/Lester Cohen

Photo Credits: Heeeere's Jack's designing daughter, Jennifer Nicholson, arriving at the Lagerfeld/Dom Perignon party.
WireImage/Lester Cohen

The best supporting award goes to Victoria's Secret

So you’re all dressed up in a totally hot low-cut gown at the Vanity Fair Oscar party and some jerk comes by, checks out your décolletage, and says, ‘Hey, nice chicken cutlets!”

Don’t deck him.

He may actually be a jerk. Or he may have just heard about Victoria’s Secret latest secret weapon — what the VS PR gals call “chicken cutlets” — cleavage-creating Sensual Shapers inserts.

The VS reps at the Beauty and the Boudoir Oscar lounge at Frederic Fekkai’s Beverly Hills salon actually referred to the rubbery flesh-colored inserts as “Chicken Cutlets” because, well, that’s exactly what they look and feel like; raw chicken breasts — with nipples. And there are two Sensual Shaper sizes, the discreet one-cup increase and the vavoom two-cup increase ($28 and $48).

These VS raw materials were displayed for all the celebs who were visiting Fekkai’s before the Oscars for facials, blow-dries, mani-pedis, Botox and consults with plastic surgeon David Sayah, to touch, feel and try on.

Other Oscar gown-boosters included the VS Bare Attitude bra ($24), a backless and strapless mold that literally sticks to your chest for an advised 4 to 6 hours. Wow. If the Oscars run long and you’ve got three parties to hit, you could be in deep trouble.

On-site to explain the importance of Oscar gown support was Chantal Thomass, the legendary French fashion designer who was the first to pull lingerie out of the underwear drawer and onto her Paris runways in 1975.

Photo: No, Scarlett Johansson is not wearing Victoria’s Secret “chicken cutlets” at the Weinstein Co./Glamour 2006 Golden Globes after-party. Pretty impressive, huh?
(Albert L. Ortega / WireImage)

Getting pretty fast

It’s never too late to look your best, even the middle of the Hollywood awards season.

Say you weren’t invited to (or nominated for) the People’s Choice, the Golden Globes or this weekend's Screen Actors Guild Awards. You've still got time to do an about-face if you're invited to the upcoming Grammys, or the Independent Spirits and Oscars in early March.

According to the folks at the M Aesthetics Spa on Sunset Boulevard, famous folks now wait until just weeks before a big event to fill in wrinkles, erase brown spots, plump and tighten saggy necks and jowls and flush out the nasty toxins that keep them from looking fresh for the cameras. And surprise, Beverly Hills dentists report a deluge of patients asking for teeth-whitening this time of year too.

All you need is two weeks. And a Visa, MasterCard or American Express card. Or all three.

“We were jammed with stars who came in for treatments just days before the Golden Globes,” reveals Angela Nice, M’s paramedical aesthetician.

Like who? Asking for names is frowned on. But I managed to get a few: Paris Hilton (semi-permanent faux eyelashes, air-brush tanning and endermologie body sculpting treatments), Daryl Hannah (endermologie), “Entourage” agent Jeremy Piven (You name it. "He practically lives here,” says Nice.), deceased “Lost” (on the show) cutie Maggie Grace (again, those hot semi-permanent lashes) and comedian Kathy Griffin, unfortunately still alive.

Natch, Botox is big. “You need to come in about two weeks ahead of the event,” says Marc Mani, M’s in-house aesthetic plastic surgeon. You may have seen him on The Learning Channel's series, "Body Work." Actresses who aren't spring chickens flock to Mani to banish wrinkles and scowls and to eliminate those annoying upper lip creases. He even gives men and women what he calls a temporary (four month) brow lift with a bit of Botox under the eyebrow. Cost? $17 a unit, which translates to roughly $300-$500.

No time to have your posterior fat sucked out and injected in your forehead furrows? No worries. Restylane is still the fast filler of choice to plump up forehead lines and naso-labial crevices. “Again, you should allow two weeks to let any slight swelling settle down,” Mani cautions. $550 per syringe. Some folks need two or three. Ouch.

The spa's hottest new treatment is the Titan, an infrared light-based contraption that blasts the skin with pulses of light that heats up collagen deep in the dermis, causing collagen to rejuvenate. The skin then tightens with no post-treatment 'down time' (otherwise known as days and weeks spent hiding at home so no one will ask what on earth you had done.)

“The Titan is instant gratification,” says Nice. “It tightens faces, necks, jowls. It works instantly and the results get better over the course of a month. It seems to work better on men, no one knows why.” But it’s pricey. $2,000 for the first treatment, $1,000 for the next two.

And M spa's Red Carpet pièce de résistance? A lymphatic drainage massage combined with endermologie, using a machine that uses vibrating suction to literally draw out toxins and extra fluids trapped in Hollywood’s hardest partying people. “It’s a great fast way to get into that designer gown that’s still just a tiny bit snug,” says Nice. “We call it the zipper magic.”

Eyelashes like Paris Hilton’s will set you back $100 for upper, $300 for upper and lower. But they last three whole weeks! Long enough to do several award shows if you plan well. And oh, don’t forget that all-important awards season golden glow with the M spa’s airbrush all-over tan. Just $45 for one session, three for $120.

Hey, even I can afford that.