Styles & Scenes

Britney as the new Bachelorette?

Even folks hanging backstage during the American Music Awards were aghast over Jimmy Kimmel’s hilariously disparaging Kevin Federline intro.

Kimmel called Britney’s soon-to-be ex “the first No Hit Wonder” and his new album "his first release  that hasn't spawned a kid." Then he staged a mock magic trick, putting a KFed dummy into a wooden box and dumping it in the ocean at Port San Pedro.

As people were still groaning, he introduced surprise guest presenter Britney Spears –- wearing a bob and a beige dress but still chewing a little bit of gum --  as "the Bachelorette."

Word is that Britney’s camp was not thrilled by the scathing intro. And they claim not to have known about it. Yeah, right. Whatever. I’m sure Federline’s camp, if he still has one, was even less pleased and definitely didn’t know about it.

Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton’s romance may be cooling. They were both at the show but Paris spent last weekend partying with Britney in Vegas. Hmmm. Do we sense a possible new player on "The Simple Life?"

More curious, Paris and Nicole were not seen hanging together backstage. Paris left early after presenting Jamie Foxx with his award. She sprinted backstage to hit the AMA celebrity freebie fest where she greeted Flavor Flav, promising to see him later on that night.

But Nicole –- in a sparkly vintage Dior -- stayed to lovingly introduce her dad Lionel Richie's pathetic act. Some in the audience wondered if his interminable rendition of “All Night Long” might actually go on that long.

Photo Credits: "I swear to god I didn't know he was gonna diss you like that, Kevin." Butterfat wouldn't melt in Britney Spear's mouth  as she presents an award  after Jimmy Kimmel's scathing jokes about her just ditched hubbie, KFed.
Michael Caulfield/WireImage

Lindsay flashes, Britney pops and Dakota poses

Hollywood is deserted. Everyone's either at the Toronto Film Festival seeing Oscar-hopeful films or at New York Fashion Week seeing what the 2007 Awards Season trends will be.

Everyone except me.

And since Hollywood is navel ring-drop quiet, I have absolutely nothing to report. I promise there will be a photo-heavy insider story on celeb shopping, Who Sat in the First Row at the New York Shows, on Friday.

But until then, I've been reduced to reading celebrity gossip blogs for amusement. Yes, it's come to this....

So the big question today is: Is Perez Hilton hooked on Firecrotch? Or does he just have friends with too much time on their hands and really cool Photoshop software?

'Cause I find it pretty hard to believe that Lindsay Lohan forgot her underwear again. She may lose a designer bag filled with expensive jewelry in the London airport from time-to-time but gosh, who doesn't? Underwear? Never.

Not that she forgot it the first time. I got an email from Lohan's super chic stylist Rachel Zoe who confirmed that Lindsay was definitely wearing undies under her green chiffon Prada frock at the Venice Film Festival.

So grow up, people. Just say no to Photoshopped celebrity cooch.

According to National Enquirer's breaking news desk, there's a new Tater on the block. And nearly 1-year-old Sean Preston (born Sept 14) and his Caesarean-born new baby brother will be able to celebrate their B-days together. Think of the money Britney and Kevin will be able to save on trailer park barbecue birthday parties. Those clowns, petting zoos and batting cages can mount up.

Teen Vogue snagged Dakota Fanning for her first editorial fashion spread. And they let the child keep a pair of Marc Jacobs boots. This is how it all begins.

And finally, the real reason why Jude Law left his first wife Sadie Frost.

We get it now, Jude

Photo Credit: Photoshop this, PerezHilton! Let's see the blogging crotch-mongers try to make Lindsay's Venice frock -  a lady-like Marchesa gown -  into something lewd and lascivious. 
WireImage/Jeff Vespa

Britney lacks support at the Teen Choice Awards

Will someone please tell Britney Spears that she's no Heidi Klum?

Britney - pregnant with her 'Irish twin' - turned up Sunday to support hubby Kevin Federline at the Teen Choice Awards.

But she forgot an essential maternity tool - a dependable bra - and wore a pink chiffon minidress that could barely contain her lactation devices. And the short frock revealed far too much enlarged thigh.

As all style-conscious pregnant women know, it's a pair of still-shapely legs or an increased bustline, never reveal both at once.

Britney introduced her ersatz rapper, saying "This show has been very good to me and my career over the years. I'm hoping it will be as good to our next performer."

K-Fed proceeded to prance around the stage, dancing, grabbing his... bling, and singing "Lose Control" from his new album. After watching Fed's not-so-fancy footwork, one has to wonder, "He was one of Britney's backup dancers? How is that possible?" If you missed it, click here to see Kevin get down in flames.

According to USA Today, Fox network lost control and bleeped him many times for language that was not TV-PC. Even "American Idol" Paula Abdul, who praises anyone who can carry a tune in a bucket, wasn't impressed with K-Fed's vocal abilities. 

No sign of Brit and Kev's infant son, Tater Tot.  Brit must have left him at home with a suitable sitter. Or maybe the little lad was waiting in his parent's idling limo. Let's just hope they cracked the window.

I hear the expectant mother stopped by the Backstage Creations Celebrity Retreat during the show. What caught her eye? A big stuffed Hello Kitty and a My Scene Fab Faces doll wearing a pink satin gown, white fur and diamond necklace.

It's unlikely those pink girly playthings are for little Tater Tot. So is it possible that Britney and Kevin's next joint project might be a baby girl? Your thoughts?

Photo Credits: Britney Spears needs to put away the spaghetti straps for a while.
WireImage/Kevin Mazur

Photo Credits: Britney picks out a suspiciously estrogen-loaded toy at the Teen Choice Celebrity Retreat. Get ready for a little sister, Tater Tot.
WireImage/Mark Sullivan

Breaking famous baby news!

Finally, a peek at the second most famous out-of-wedlock baby (after Suri Cruise, of course) in the world!

Several of the much-anticipated Jolie-Pitt family photos are up on PerezHilton.com. And sweet little Shiloh Jolie-Pitt sure looks like her Mommy, pillowy pouty lips and all.

But there may be bad news for Britney's baby.

According to TMZ.com, that cute guy hanging out with Britney and her baby is NOT a nanny after all. And he knows less about child-care than Britney does.

No, wait, that’s impossible.

And The Scoop says Katie Holmes may have to marry Tom Cruise. Especially if she wants to keep custody of her baby Suri and make enough money to pay for all the therapy and deprogramming she's gonna eventually need.