Where there's smoke, there's Jack Bauer

So I’m inside Les Deux in Hollywood for the "24" Season 5 DVD launch party and And I'm trying not to suffocate in a mushroom cloud of toxic cigar smoke filling the tented patio.

At first it feels like just another smoky, noisy industry party. But people start to look eerily familiar. Ear-pieced security men in suits seem suspicious.That mustachioed man rolling cigars that are - I am told - “Jack Bauer’s favorites” keeps watching me. A dark-eyed bald dude with the beard looks like a covert agent in Season 4. People laughing idiotically by the pizza table may be party moles.  I would swear that the leering man sitting alone on a sofa is a suicide party bomber.

These are the thoughts that race through my head as I wait anxiously and pray for Jack Bauer to arrive and save the party...