It's a good thing that Nicole Richie is getting her priorities straight.

After her sobering jail sentence last week, the "Simple Life" starlet decided to talk seriously to Diane Sawyer this week about her life, her bad choices and her drug use, and possibly even spill the beans about her unconfirmed but widely reported pregnancy.

And what's the first thing Nicole did after lining up the TV time? My Deep Throat fashion source says she had her people call to request some appropriately chic vintage couture from Decades on Melrose for her TV appearance.

Cameron Silver boxed up a carton of couture Monday and sent it to Nicole. Which dress will she choose? Gosh, I can hardly wait to see, can you? Let's just hope it has a loose or expandable waistline.

Photo Credits: Let's get serious. But first, where's my vintage couture????
WireImage

Question: What did some soldiers who guarded Caesar in ancient days wear as battle souvenirs?

Answer: Just the dessicated phalluses of their slaughtered enemies.

Talk about realism. One of these dried male organs is actually on display at the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising's 2nd annual Outstanding Art of Television Costume Design exhibition. It hangs around the neck on a leather strap,  part of a guard's costume from "Rome," HBO's critically hailed series that was nominated for six Emmys, including costume design.

So, um, whom did this belong to? "Oh, we don't know," said chuckling costume designer April Ferry, who won an Emmy for her "Rome" work last year and is nominated for it again this year.  "It was a common practice and the soldiers used to bring them home as souvenirs." Beats refrigerator magnets, I guess.

Ferry was at FIDM last Saturday talking about the gruesomely authentic accessory and how sad it was to have the their award-winning show canceled. Ferry and her fellow Emmy '07 nominees Catherine Adair ("Desperate Housewives") and Eduardo Castro ("Ugly Betty") were presented with congratulatory certificates for their Emmy nods. Castro missed picking up his award due to a last-minute photo shoot with the "Betty" cast. 

If you're a "Rome" fan, you're in and out of luck. Sadly, the series is still canceled. Don't get me started on that. But at least "Rome: The Second Season" is coming out on DVD. And in addition to the ongoing FIDM display, the windows at Barney's on Wilshire will be done up in Roman Emperor fashion this week for the DVD launch party set for Saturday evening. Lucius Vorenus, Mark Antony and Atia will be on hand to keep April company.

If you can't swing an invite to Saturday's event, you can always hit FIDM. There you can check out wardrobes from other 2007 Emmy costume nominees "The Tudors"  and "Jane Eyre," as well as fashion flashbacks from iconic shows such as  "I Dream of Jeannie," "Charlie's Angels" and "Bewitched"; current hits including "24" and "Entourage"; and last year's Emmy costume winner, "Elizabeth."

The TV costume collection will be open to the public at FIDM from July 31 through Sept. 29. Click here for more information.

But don't say I didn't warn you about the dried phallus.

Photo Credits: Alex Berliner/ Berliner Studio/BEImages

Michelle Pfeiffer was nothing short of spellbinding at the "Stardust" premiere Sunday in a midnight blue tiered chiffon cocktail dress with a beaded tulle neckline, designed by Lanvin's Alber Elbaz.

Whaaat, no Armani? First, she wore a Jenni Kayne frock to the "Hairspray" premiere in L.A. Now Lanvin? What's come over Michelle, a faithful Armani fashion fan for over two decades?

The actress wore Armani to her first Oscars in 1990: a long-sleeved navy jersey gown. The dress was hand-delivered by Armani's West Coast head Wanda McDaniel on Oscar morning. Because Michelle didn't have the right jewelry to complete the look, McDaniel quickly unclasped her own pearl necklace, pulled off her Bulgari diamond engagment ring and accessorized the actress. The result? Michelle got raves for her understated elegance.

Michelle is definitely ramping up her film career, and industry insiders say 2008 may be her awards year. She has two roles that could snag nominations; her singing/dancing supporting role in "Hairspray" and her equally comic turn in "Stardust," in which she plays an evil, aging crone who will stop at nothing to be young and beautiful again.

Will Michelle rely on Armani couture for the big awards' carpets? Or will she branch out -- and reach out -- to other designers such as Elbaz, John Galliano, Lagerfeld, Marc Jacobs? Maybe she'll even do vintage couture from Decades? Either way she'll be prime real estate for designers who would kill to dress a Globes, SAG or Oscar nominee and/or attendee. And she'll add some serious suspense to the season.

Don't be surprised if her "Stardust" costar Robert De Niro also gets a Globes or SAG nod for his swaggering Sky Pirate, who's secretly a little light in the penny loafers. And odds are De Niro will wear an Armani tux, no matter what. Although he shuns the limelight as if cameras carry the plague, he attended a cocktail party for his pal Giorgio's fashion retrospective at the Royal Academy of Arts in London back in 2003. Now that's friendship.

Photo Credits: WireImage

Is she pregnant? Is she nervous about going to jail for her second DUI? Is she engaged?

Set your Tivo, folks. These and more important questions may be answered when Nicole Richie opens up to Diane Sawyer later this week on "20/20" and "Good Morning America." 

The interview is skedded to be aired Thursday and Friday morning. But she's already opened up to David Letterman. Appearing on his show recently, the scandalous "Simple LIfe" starlet said, "I really try and take everything that I go through as a life lesson and I try not to make the same mistake twice."

OK. Then why is this is her second DUI arrest?

Boy, I'll bet Diane is really looking forward to this interview. During her 20 year career, she's sat down with President Bush, the late Saddam Hussein, Fidel Castro; Robert MacNamara (for his public apology on Vietnam), Sammy "The Bull" Gravano, mob boss John Gotti, Ellen DeGeneres (she announced her homosexuality), ousted Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega, former first lady Nancy Reagan, and the Clintons after the 1992 presidential election.

From that to a celebutante starlet famous for her drug use, DUIs, foul mouth, stylist-manufactured fashion sense and emaciated frame. Talk about interviewing down ....

Photo Credits: Nicole made another mistake, reuniting with her partner-in-crime Paris Hilton at the Victoria's Secret fashion show and showing off for the photographers. Live and don't learn.
WireImage

Everyone's wondering what effect Lindsay Lohan's latest legal mess will have on her acting career. Suffice to say, it can't be good. But far more frightening: What will it do to her designer wardrobe? Will any A-list designers deign to dress her for the 2007-08 award season carpets?

In 2006, she was Karl Lagerfeld's arm candy at the prestigious Council of Fashion Designers of America gala, often referred to as the Oscars of the fashion world. They even sat at the head table with Vogue editrix Anna Wintour.

Earlier this year, Herr Karl invited the troubled starlet to see his Chanel cruise-collection show staged in a Santa Monica airport hangar. After the show, Lindsay slipped backstage and picked out scads of Chanel swag (bracelets, jewelry, gloves).

But not every designer liked Lindsay, even before she severely tarnished her image. In a 2005 New Yorker profile of Valentino, written by Michael Specter, the Italian designer was openly relieved that she would not be at his Paris show.  When Valentino heard from his longtime spokesman Carlos de Souza that Lindsay's stylist had called to say the actress was declining the invitation, Valentino whispered, "Thank God. She makes me so uncomfortable."

And Big V isn't crazy about that jailbird Paris Hilton either.

Scientologists and activists sounding the alarm about global warming -- the result of damage to the earth's ozone layer -- now admit that there may be previously unknown factors contributing to the "greenhouse effect."

They've now traced the path of some questionable chemical emissions to Hollywood and the surrounding areas of Brentwood, Bel-Air, Beverly Hills and Malibu.

There's no need to panic at this stage. But informed experts advise maintaining a safe distance from all known and potentially toxic chemical spill sites. That in mind, please stay at least 20 feet back from Nicollette Sheridan at all times. Hazmat suits are recommended for closer contact.

If one of these encapsulated babies blows ... well, let's just say it wouldn't be pretty. 

To proceed safely to a Paris/Britney/Nicole/Lindsay Free Zone, click here.

Photo Credits: WireImage

This just in: Oscar-winning actress Charlize Theron and actors Owen Wilson and Sam Elliot will be among the celebrities accepting some pretty hefty checks on behalf of various  nonprofit groups and  charities at the Hollywood Foreign Press Association's annual installation luncheon Aug. 9 at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

Theron is a big favorite among the HFPA  folks. She won one Globe for her role in  "Monster" and was nominated for her work in "North Country" and "The Life and Death of Peter Sellers." Her new film, "In the Valley of Elah," which opens Sept. 28 (coincidentally, the very day Nicole Richie will go to jail), is already getting awards buzz.

And this year, HFPA’s grants to nonprofit organizations is a record-breaking high: almost $1.2 million!

Photo credit:  WireImage

The countdown begins: Just 63 more days until Nicole Richie has to report to authorities to begin serving her court-ordered jail sentence. And how long did she get?

Not long enough to make much of a difference: just four days. They gave her credit for "time served," the five hours she was in jail after being arrested for a DUI and driving the wrong way on a freeway. 

Look on the bright side. She'll get three meals a day, starting Sept. 28. And that's gotta be good news for her baby, probably due to pop out in January.

Photo Credits: She has fans? Who are these people?
WireImage

The dudes who were at that Malibu party with Lindsay Lohan on Monday night and ended up in the car for her wild late-night ride are talking to TMZ.

And if you buy their version of the evening's events, Lindsay has to be the official president of the "Mean Girls" club. Check out this TMZ link to hear interviews with three tall, well-built and muscular young men who claim they became unwilling and terrified passengers on her 80-100 mph ride.  One says he jumped from the moving car and she ran over his foot!

If their stories are true, then color me impressed. Who knew a petite fashionista whose main physical achievement has been to change dresses three times in one night for three Oscar parties could overpower three big lugs? Gosh, it's a miracle she hasn't murdered several paparazzi by now.

Photo Credits: Dudes, look out, she's got a cake knife!  And she's a celebrity!  Run for your lives!!!!!
Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Ah, the delicious irony...

This week a perfectly made-up and coiffed Paris Hilton got back to doing what she does best: posing provocatively on a red carpet. But this time it was for a worthy cause.

Seems she finally found a charity to support. It's Project E's "Embrace Imperfection" clothing line, part of their "Feed the Models Save the World" fundraiser benefitting the Eating Disorders Information Network.

I can't help but wonder if Paris was disappointed when she found out that Embracing Imperfection does not mean finding the best plastic surgeon, and EDIN does not provide tips on the best laxatives and how to quickly induce vomiting. 

Bummer.

Photo Credits: WireImage

Who knew Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes could do the Funky Chicken?

At least ... I think that's what they were doing at Sunday night's Welcome to L.A. party for their Beckham buddies.

Click here and decide for yourself.

Photo Credits: Tom wins the bet that he can balance on one leg and still not let go of Katie's hand. No fair, he's been practicing!  And he's been practicing some dorky dirty dancing moves too.
Lester Cohen/WireImage

Attention, Emmy shoppers. Unique dresses and gowns located on Melrose Place. But you'd better hurry.

Vintage dresses are flying out the window of the new, expanded decadestwo boutique. Christos Garkinos just sold a rare Chanel Spring 2006 gown (only two sold in the U.S., just six sold internationally ) worn by Mischa Barton to her “O.C.” prom the night her character, Marissa, was killed. Hey, we're talking Hollywood history here, folks. Especially because Mischa may never get another film or TV role in her lifetime.

Word is a Saudi princess spotted the Chanel gown on the decadestwo blog (click here) and bought it for six grand to replace her gown, which had –- darn the luck -- gotten red wine spilled on it, probably on some mega-yacht anchored off the coast of Cannes, or when her family's private jet hit some turbulence on the way to a bash at a friend's villa on the Amalfi coast. Hate it when that happens.

Oh, and that Tom Ford white Grecian Gucci collectible gown on display at the decadestwo party last week? The one ripped from the closet of Dallas socialite Becca Cason Thrash? It was sold to a fashionista who had been searching for it for years and thought nothing of plunking down $3,800.

A little pricey? Not for a collectible. And not for a gown complete with a matching thong, meant to peek through a sexy cut-out.

Plus the panties are -- literally -- virgin territory.  “I never wore the panties,” Becca told me.

"I wore this dress with two diamond clips at the cut-out and big diamond earrings. I remember when I wore it to a party and Tom Ford arrived with Corrine Roitfield (just –- gulp -- the editor in chief of French Vogue) and she was wearing the same dress, but with the panties. I just looked at Tom and said, 'I like mine better!' and he smiled at me and said, 'Not bad!' " Getting a thumbs-up from the designer? Priceless.

Photo Credits: Karl Lagerfeld's Chanel collectible, courtesy of decadestwo.

Britney Spears bought some new underwear this week! Click here for details.

Thank the Lord. One more candid close-up of a mini-skirted, undie-less Britney climbing in or out of a car is more than the world can handle.

But thongs and a G-string?  May I suggest the Flasher-in-the Pan consider boy-short styles? So much more forgiving.

Along with a change of underwear, Britney may be mulling a new hair color. Seems she asked the Lisa Kline shopgirl if she liked Brit's hair better blond or brunette. Yikes. If Britney is consulting salespeople for hair color advice, things are far worse than we thought.

It's officially time to step up and make your hair color preferences known. All those in favor of blond, raise your hands. Brunette?  Now post your comments on this blog and pray she reads them. Feel free to give her any other life/career/wardrobe/relationship advice too. It can't hurt.

Photo Credits: Panties are a good first step. But should Britney go back to blonde or brunette? It's your call!
WireImage

Entertainment Tonight has a secret party plan.

For the past few years, the ET Emmy party has been held at the Mondrian on Sunset. But the ongoing problem has been that the party gets packed early with people not attending -- or not invited to -- the awards show. They all come to watch the show on big plasma screens. And they stay aaaall night long.

So when Emmy nominees and winners arrive after the show, there's no room! There are countless stories of stars asked to cool their heels outside the bash until there was room to squeeze them in. Ouch. Never tell a star holding an Emmy to wait outside a party. Especially on a night with several competing parties eager to welcome them.

And let's not even mention the nightmare of the Mondrian's valet debacle.

This year, the ET bash will be held  -- ta-da! -- downtown at the Walt Disney Concert Hall.  This may: A) keep away some guests who don't want to trek downtown to watch the show, and B) tempt A-listers to do a drive-by after their prerequisite pitstop at the Emmys' Governor's Ball at the nearby Shrine.

This plan could backfire. It all depends on who wins what and where all the other parties are held. It's a straight shot down Beverly to Robertson to the site of HBO's fete, always THE party of the night, traditionally held in a huge tent outside the Pacific Design Center at the corner of Melrose and Robertson.  No word from HBO about a change of venue.

No confirmed talent for the ET party, either. But an inside source says Mary J. Blige, Bon Jovi and Barry Manilow are on the possible performer list. I vote for Bon Jovi. Anybody else?

Photo Credits: WireImage

Is Lindsay Lohan the new Robert Downey Jr.?

Remember in the late '90s, when the actor just could not get -- and stay -- sober, and was regularly arrested for possessing firearms and drugs (speed, cocaine and heroin) and missing his court-imposed drug tests? He was a talented, total mess. Then he got fired from "Ally McBeal" and spent a year in rehab. Now he's married, with a smart, successful wife, a family and a career. Click here for his drug-past details. Then knock on wood.

We can only hope something works for Lindsay, who has gotten her second DUI citation (hello, wake-up call?) in three months. A good start would be yanking her out of the Hollywood Scene for more than a one-month stay in a ritzy rehab. A solid year out of the limelight just might save her life. Let's hope she gets the same judge Downey got.

Meanwhile, Lindsay's lawyer, Blair Berk, has released a statement about her celebrity client, who was booked this morning on suspicion of DUI, possession of cocaine, transporting a narcotic into a custody facility and driving on a suspended license:

"Addiction is a terrible and vicious disease. Since leaving Promises rehab facility on July 13, Lohan has been wearing an electronic alcohol-monitoring bracelet on her ankle. She had it on even as she hit parties and nightclubs in Los Angeles and Las Vegas.

"Throughout this period, I have received timely and accurate reports from the testing companies," Berk said.

"Unfortunately, late [Monday] I was informed that Lindsay had relapsed. The bracelet has now been removed. She is safe, out of custody and presently receiving medical care."

Yeah, hey, that SCRAM bracelet worked really well, didn't it?

Photo Credits: WireImage

Let's take a break from Lindsay's latest drunken car-chase adventure.

Let's turn to what's going on with another out-of-control train-wreck celebrity. Here's the Britney Spears dilemma the editors at OK! faced this week.

A. Touch up Britney Spears' just-shot photos and run a puff piece on the Popped Princess's comeback in their next issue.

or

B. Print the horrible photos unretouched and write about what TMZ sez really happened during the shoot (click here for the details): Brit's strange and erratic behavior, frequent trips to the bathroom, slovenly eating habits and her idea of a pooper scooper (a Chanel dress? Sacrilege!).

Guess which direction they chose? That's right. According to TMZ, the editors finally picked B  (journalism!) over celebrity pampering. Journalism? Oh, please. Let's call a spade a spade, shall we? They picked M-O-N-E-Y.

Everyone (me included) will buy that issue to see the unretouched horror of Britney and read the behind-the-scenes dirt.

Photo Credits: FilmMagic

Lindsay Lohan, who was photographed yesterday taking dancing lessons for her new film, is gonna have trouble dancing her way out her latest jam.

TMZ is hot on the developing story about the 21-year-old actress's arrest last night on suspicion of DUI. Cops stopped her in her car, reportedly "chasing" another car. At the station, police said, cocaine was found on her person. Her blood booze level was measured at .12 and .13. She was released on bail last night, sez TMZ.

For the latest developing news, keep watching that site. They're all over this one like flies on deep you-know-what. They've just posted her mug shot. And it ain't pretty.

No word on whether Lindsay was wearing her trusty SCRAM ankle bracelet.

Photo Credits: WireImage

And a one, anna two, anna three, anna four ... step,  ball change ...

Don't laugh. Learning new dance steps isn't easy under the best of circumstances. And it's particularly trying if you're wearing a clunky SCRAM ankle bracelet like fresh-outta-rehab Lindsay Lohan, seen here learning some smooth moves for her new film, "Dare to Love Me," from tango instructor Gloria Otero.

I've talked to people court-ordered to wear those bulky contraptions who say they can really chafe!

But apparently, they do work. The Secure Continuous Remote Alcohol Monitors (SCRAM for short) work by measuring the migration of alcohol through the wearer's skin. Measurements are converted from a perspiration level to a blood alcohol level. The bracelet communicates through a home-placed modem. The readings are sent to a remote computer and the data can be viewed by a monitoring agency through a secure Internet site.

Wow. Wonder if anyone can hack into that baby for Lindsay's test results? Be more interesting than Lindsay's gushing lovey-dovey emails found on MySpace to her veeery close DJ pal, Samantha Ronson, the girl who may have sparked the nasty late-night bender Lindsay went on that ended with her going into rehab. For more on her BFF, click here.

Photo Credits: Eric Charbonneau/WireImage

Victoria Beckham -- who had her pick of anything she wanted from any international jewelry company -- selected a snazzy pair of Chopard diamond earrings (which you can sort of see behind her blonde highlights) for Sunday's big "Welcome to L.A." bash at MOCA, thrown by the Beckhams' NBFFs Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, and Will and Jada Pinkett Smith.

A Chopard rep actually made the trek up to the Beckhams' pad yesterday afternoon so Victoria could pick out the perfect pair. Makes you wonder if a surgeon was ever asked to do the same show-and-tell so she could pick out her other perfect pair ...

Oh, and David Beckham wore Chopard's baguette cufflinks. It's good to see that the handsome couple are quickly getting the hang of the celebrity borrowing game in their newly adopted hometown.

Photo Credits: Greg DeGuire/WireImage

It's only July, but it's already time to mark your calendar and dust off your powdered wig for TV Guide's 2007 Emmy bash, a party with a decidedly decadent Louis XVI theme.

TV Guide's 5th Annual Primetime Emmy Party will be held at yet another trendy Hollywood nightspot. This time, it's Les Deux, infamous site of Lindsay Lohan's last libations on the night of the car crash that stunned the gossip universe and promptly sent the staggering actress into rehab, stat.

But isn't Les Deux too small? In the past, the party has packed the cavernous two-story Social Hollywood and filled the Roosevelt Hotel, spilling out into the poolside Tropicana Bar.

No worries. Event Eleven party planners have come up with a 15,000 sq. ft. tent in the parking lot next to Les Deux. The extra party space -- designed by Tony Schubert -- will mirror the restaurant's "French burlesque" design elements with a red, black and gold color scheme.

Expect a hedged arbor passageway between the club and the tent, with a few crystal chandeliers to swing from. Inside the tented courtyard: plush royal seating, 12 bars, a giant stage, a Versailles-like garden and waitresses in saucy Marie Antoinette gowns serving French bubbly.

What, no guillotines? Vive les Emmys!

Photo Credits: Last year Pink got the Emmy party started. So did "House" star Hugh Laurie's band, which included "Desperate Housewives" hunk James Denton. Will they be back? Who knows. All I know for sure is Joan Rivers and daughter Melissa definitely will NOT, since they aren't working for TV Guide Channel anymore. But their red carpet replacement, Lisa Rinna, will be there with bells on. The Sept. 16 show marks her first time talking fashion for the network's Emmy arrivals coverage.   
Chris Weeks/WireImage

OK, I understand why Victoria Beckham didn't crack a smile at the game on Saturday. Her hunky hubby, David, had a hurty footy and got into the game only at the very last minute -- and his team lost anyway. Boo-hoo.

But if there was ONE place where Victoria should have had a big grin on her face, it was Sunday night's blow-out Welcome to L.A. party for David Beckham at the Museum of Contemporary Art. The bash was as star-studded as the darned Academy Awards drawing Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Demi Moore, Eva Longoria, Brooke Shields, Bruce Willis, Forest Whitaker, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith, Ron Howard, Matthew Perry, Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy, L'il Kim, Vivica Fox, Tyrese, Jennifer Esposito ... and so on.

But photographers captured only a fleeting glimpse of Posh's teeth when she posed for a group-hug shot outside the party. And it was more of an open-mouthed expression of surprise rather than one of happiness.

More disturbing than Victoria not living up to her promised smile quota increase is the eery morphing of Jada and Katie into Posh Fembots. Notice that both gals are sporting bobs similar to Victoria's asymmetrical short do. And Jada has not only perfected the Posh Scowl, she's also wearing a very-mini-dress that looks almost identical to Victoria's. Brrrr ....

Thankfully, Katie had the good sense not to compete in Victoria and Jada's Best Gams Game. She probably knows when she's been out-limbed. The red vintage Galanos was a wise choice, Katie.

Keep reading to see why women really hate Victoria Beckham....

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Let's give a warm Emmy welcome to ... Miss Minnie Driver!

Minnie was nominated for an Oscar for her role in "Good Will Hunting" back in 1998. But this is the singer/actress's first Emmy nod for her role as the drug-addicted-trampy-traveler-with-a-heart in the hit Showtime series "The Riches." No need to worry about how she'll fare fashionwise at the Emmys. Just check out her past gown choices. Hot, huh? I have a feeling she's gonna give the other nominees a serious run for that Queen of the Carpet title. Wanna see her competition? Check out more past Emmy Styles and Errors, click here.

Photo Credits: Minnie Driver looked royal in blue at this year's Vanity Fair Oscar party, took a V-neck turn at the 2000 Golden Globes and was the lady in red at the 1998 Oscars. Designers would die to dress this long-stemmed gal for the Emmys. My money is on Valentino. Why? Because she wore one of his gowns with Chopard jewels at the Cannes Film Festival in May. Coincidence? Yeah, right.
All Photos: WireImage

OK, the Emmy noms are finally out. Now it's time to play a game: Pick the hotties who will be the main targets for red carpet designer gown placement.

This is not a judgment call. It's merely a fashion reality check. Designers want to dress actresses who will show off their dresses the best. And that means they court whoever has the best measurements, the lowest weight, extra height and a serious sizzle factor.

Did I mention age? The number should be low, not middle or high. I know, I know. But life (like fashion) is not fair, is it? So here are the likely suspects:   

Best Actress Drama: Kyra Sedgwick, Mariska Hargitay and Minnie Driver
Best Actress Comedy: America Ferrera, Mary-Louise Parker
Best Supporting Actress Drama: Sandra Oh, Katherine Heigl
Best Supporting Actress Comedy: Vanessa Williams and Jaime Pressly

But one of the most sought-after this season will be Debra Messing, back in the running with a Best Actress in a Miniseries nod for "The Starter Wife," based on Gigi Levangie Grazer's novel.

Debra's been the belle of many an Emmy ball wearing cutting-edge gowns from Michael Kors, Vera Wang and Elie Saab. Can't wait to see what she wears this year to show off her newly svelte shape.

Photo Credits:  Will nominee Debra Messing bring designer excitement back to the Emmys?  Definitely. Check out her fashion-forward Michael Kors worn to the 2002 Emmy Awards.   
WireImage

There's room for only one P-Girl in La La Land.

According to the London Sun newspaper, Posh isn't the slightest bit interested in palling around with Paris Hilton, even though Paris reportedly has said she thinks they would be best buds. Apparently, Posh thinks the hotel heiress is strictly low-rent.

Victoria Beckham reportedly told a pal, "You won't catch me falling out of nightclubs with no knickers on."  Click here to read the dirty details.

Victoria is no dummy.  For one thing, Paris has a  criminal record! What would her Power Couple pals Tom/Katie and Jennifer/Marc think!

Paris and Posh may share an affinity for posing on the carpet, wearing designer duds and manipulating the media. But that's hardly the basis for a friendship, is it?

Plus Paris smiles waaaay too much. So declasse. Even Katie Holmes had to perfect the Posh Pout to hang out with Victoria and go couture shopping in Paris earlier this year.  It's taken Katie months to get her grin back!

Anyway, the Victoria Beckham Smile Watch is still on. No smiles have been snapped since she landed in L.A. last week. But we must cling to the hope that she may actually smile this weekend. Last night an intrepid WireImage photographer promised to call and provide the first photographic POS (proof of smile).

For those of you who doubt she actually can smile, check out Ali G's interview with Victoria and David Beckham on YouTube by clicking here. This is clearly a few years old, before she perfected her stone-faced android image. And she actually looks way cuter with brown hair.

Photo Credits: In the Great Red Carpet Pose-Off, Posh takes the lead at the 2007 MTV Movie Awards for her Beyonce-inspired armpit reveal and sex-doll open mouth, while Paris loses points for her sly smirk. NO SMILES!
WireImage

The hottest dress at tonight’s decadestwo party won’t be worn by vintage fashion fans such as Ali Larter, Winona Ryder, Debi Mazur, Kristin Davis, Garcelle Beauvais, Tracee Ellis Ross, Monet Mazur, Joely Richardson or Kelly Carlson.

Instead the gown will be on display in the expanded Melrose Ave vintage boutique's window: Tom Ford’s  white jersey Gucci gown with a sexy hip cutout and a matching thong with metal hardware.

Who knows? Maybe someone will decide to wear this iconic Gucci to the upcoming Emmy Awards. Or at the very least, to some Emmy pre or post parties. It is, as Victoria Beckham would say, a "Majah" dress.

The dress was just by acquired by decadestw partners Christos Garkinos and Cameron Silver from their longtime couture collector client Becca Cason-Thrash. And it can be yours tonight for just $3,800!

The Houston-based socialite regularly cleans out her closet and sends chic cast-offs to decadestwo. In preparation for Wednesday’s bash, Christos combed through her ready-to-wear rejects and found several gems, including a pre-Karl Chanel jacket, some Roland Mouret finds, a pair of Zac Posen slacks and the night’s Wow Gown, Ford’s Gucci creation.

“Tom Ford is our next future collectible,” Christos explained. But Tom’s togs weren’t always so sought after. Of the 60,000 garments sent to the decadestwo dudes each year, only 12,000 are accepted. And a few years ago, Christos nixed Becca's Gucci gown, boxed it back up and returned it to her.  “I cannot believe I did that,” he admitted, head hanging in faux shame. “This like THE dress for the window Wednesday night.” If you're interested in it, contact Decadestwo. But you'd better hurry.

Photo Credits: Tom Ford's Gucci gown.
WireImage

Hooray! Harry Potter aviator sunglasses are here!

Oh, wait. My bad.

Turns out Emma Watson, Rupert Grint and Daniel Radcliffe are actually modeling special IMAX 3D glasses to celebrate (woo-hoo, par-tay!) the record-breaking box office opening for the IMAX version of  "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix."

The film has shattered all IMAX records; it's the largest opening in IMAX history, showing on 91 domestic and 35 international IMAX screens for a record-breaking worldwide total of $9.4 million.  It also broke IMAX's largest single-day worldwide record with $1.9 million.

You'll be handed these shades to experience the film's amazing 20-minute 3D finale. But the only way to keep the cool eyewear - which is totally nonfunctional outside of an IMAX 3D film -  is to pocket a pair as you leave the theater. Good luck with that. (Hint: Use the Cloak of Invisibility).

I can't help but wonder how the actors feel about the recent HP spoilers posted on the Web. What, you haven't read them yet? Then click here and weep. But don't say I didn't warn you.

Photos courtesy of Zoomwerks: 

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Did anyone else get a ticket for “Hairspray” just to see if Michelle Pfeiffer’s flawless face is still holding up? C’mon, admit it. And what a waste of money, huh?  She doesn’t look one darn day older than she did a decade ago. It’s starting to really annoy me. I know she’s getting anti-aging assistance from someone and I want their phone numbers, dammit.

But I just saw a movie to fulfill your wildest fantasy: watching Pfeiffer finally get old. Really old.

I saw “Stardust,” a rip-roaring new romance/adventure/fantasy film based on Neil Gaiman’s acclaimed graphic novel. In it, Pfeiffer plays Lamia, a deliciously wicked sorceress who seeks eternal youth and is willing to slice open Claire Danes' character’s chest and eat her heart to get it.

The movie is great fun and also stars Robert De Niro, Ricky Gervais, Peter O’Toole,  Rupert Everett, Sienna Miller and the adorable Charlie Cox as the film's hero, Tristan.

But the kick for me was seeing Pfeiffer's evil witch losing her youthful good looks after getting a temporary youth boost from a fallen star. With every spell she casts, her power is diminished and she watches in horrified frustation as her old age spots appear and darken and veins begin to bulge on her hands.

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Throughout the film, her eyelids droop, her neck gets wattled, her hair falls out, her lips shrivel. When she catches a glimpse of herself in a carriage window and casts a spell to pull her sagging jowls back up, her breasts promptly sag. Middle-aged women everywhere are sure to identify with Lamia's plight.

"Stardust" is a great ride for all ages; a sweet romance for young adults, a fun fairy tale for teens. Hilarious, sweeping and sometimes scary, it's also a good morality tale for all boomers wrestling with the inevitable signs of aging, which some days is enough to make you wanna snarf some nubile blonde's still-beating heart.

For me, the moral of "Stardust" is: Go ahead and fight the small aging battles. Just don’t count on winning the war.

Want to see what she looks like as a hot young witch? Keep reading....

Photo Credits: No amount of Botox or filler can help Michelle Pfeiffer, er, Lamia, and her evil old witch sisters in "Stardust."
Photos courtesy of Paramount

For those of you who missed watching the much ballyhooed "Victoria Beckham: Coming to America" special on NBC last night, here's all you need to know:

Victoria's got her branding catchphrase and it's "Major!"

Major is her adjective (she pronounces it "Majah") used to describe anything impressive, amazing, wild or just over-the-top; something might have once been described as "hot," as in Paris Hilton's now passe catchphrase "That's hot."

Other than picking up that useful piece of slang, the special was nothing more than the contrived and cartoony Reality TV love child of "Newlyweds: Jessica and Nick" and and Paris and Nicole's "The Simple Life."

The show featured Victoria hiring a suitably dumpy, dull-witted assistant, hanging out with her makeup artist and hairdresser pals (so Jessica Simpson) shopping for a posh pad, getting her driver's license (and asking for a photo do-over), using a blow-up doll dressed like her to foil the paparazzi, meeting the neighbors - a scary coven of hideously "done" Beverly HIlls socialites who actually made Victoria look quite normal.

She also confronted notorious celeb blogger Perez Hilton about calling her an "alien," refused to smile, be seen eating anything or wear flats. So she clumsily tossed out the first pitch at a Mets/Dodgers game wearing high wedged platform sneakers.

Definitely not Tivo-worthy, even if you've got the big 80 gig HiDef recorder.

Photo Credits: FilmMagic and WireImage

Hey, anybody need a good lawn boy? Jesse Metcalfe comes highly recommended by a few "Desperate Housewives."

With all the buzz about Lindsay Lohan getting out of rehab and partying in Vegas the next day, no one even noticed that the formerly hot lawnboy on the ABC series is back on the party scene.  Metcalfe checked into rehab in March after a reported four day bender at the Mondrian hotel. Click here to read about Jesse's dark days.

Jesse looked more like a gangsta rapper than his "John Tucker" character as he enjoyed a new energy drink at the Saturday Malibu jewelry line clambake that Paris Hilton attended. 

Did I mention that Paris brought along her reported new beau, a T-shirt designer named  Tyler Atkins, and a new teacup Yorkie named Cinderella?

Any bets on which pet the jailbird will keep longer?

Anyway, welcome back, Jesse. We didn't really notice you were gone. But it's nice to see you, even with the bizarre face foliage.

Photo Credits: WireImage

Just call this "The Emaciation of Courtney Love."

I'm all for people losing excess weight to look better, feel better and get healthier. But once again, Courtney seems to have gone to a typical addict's all-or-nothing extremes. She showed off her flesh-hanging bony arms when performing in New York last week. Can you say starving for attention? To see the four stages of Courtney's diet plan that resulted in her current wasted state, keep reading...

Jessica, Paris and  Lindsay were spotted partying up a storm last weekend. But not together.

Jessica Simpson (and her faithful follicle minder Ken Paves) hit South Beach for Jess and her mom Tina's new swimsuit line's runway show at the Mercedes-Benz Miami Swim 2008 Week.

That's Ken working his magic on Jess's partially faux mane as she dances for the cameras at her Sky Bar after-party.

Ken and Jess are not just bosom buddies. They're also business partners in a line of clip-on hair extensions that are even sold at Sephora. Seriously. Click here if you don't believe me.

Meanwhile Paris Hilton, seemingly recovering nicely from her stint in jail, turned up sans her extensions at a Lia Sophia Clam Bake in Malibu. Her slightly frayed bob was tamed by a long silk scarf.   

Not quite sure where this beach/jewelry party fits in her post-prison spirituality plan and all those life-changing charitable ventures that she talked about with Larry King, but there you go.

Maybe it takes a while to figure out what charities you want to support. Yeah, that's it. Why, she's probably mulling that over even as she thrusts out a hip to try on her new (and free) Lia Sophia necklace. 

Hey, if you're interested, you too can host a Lia Sophia party and maybe Paris will come to it! Just click here for information on the direct sales jewelry line. Think Avon. Or Tupperware.

As for Lindsay, the day she released from Promises rehab she headed straight for Pure nightclub in Las Vegas to celebrate a friend's birthday. Click here for more details. And here for still more from People.

Guess her rehab counselors neglected to tell Lindsay that she was gonna need to change 'people, places and things' if she wanted to stay sober. Oops. Their bad.  Anyway, reports are that she only drank sugar-free Red Bull and Voss water. Riiiight.

Her rep also told People that Lindsay is voluntarily wearing an anti-booze ankle bracelet so that people won't think she's drinking if she goes to clubs where alcohol is being served. And I'm sure that'll work out just fine.

But guess who Lindsay hooked up that night.... 

Not a single smile was cracked by Victoria Beckham at the official Los Angeles Galaxy press conference introducing her husband David Beckham. To top it off, she looks like a Stepford Wife fem-bot in a bright pink '80s flashback dress with Thierry Mugleresque sharp shoulders.  Where are all those promised smiles, Posh? C'mon, show us some teeth.

Photo Credits: WireImage

You've probably seen (or worn) a pair of those pricey rock-and-roll True Religion jeans. Now check out True Religion's new swimwear. Here, fresh from today's runways at the Mercedes-Benz Miami Beach Swim 2008 shows, are some of the hip denim line's sexy new beachwear.

Hey, didn't Paris Hilton wear a white version of that blue crochet one-piece on her post-jail trip to Hawaii? Ya gotta give Paris her props. Who else could spend 23 days in the pokey and set fashion trends the second she's out.

I could definitely see Lindsay Lohan wearing these TR rocker bikinis and headbands. Once she looses all her rehab pudge. Hey, don't shoot the messenger. It happens. I know. Give up one vice (or two) and boy, those Pinkberry Smoothies start getting real addictive.

But enough looking at these swimsuit models with babe-alicious beach bods. This is called the upside of summer heat. To see the terrible downside and how dry and depressing the mid-July red carpets are, click here.

Photo Credits: WireImage

The Victoria Beckham Smile Watch is officially on.

Victoria told W magazine that she would be making a concerted effort to crack a smile in the US so that people would stop thinking of her as a "miserable cow."

But no sign of a smile, or even a well-rehearsed smirk, as Victoria exited LAX yesterday after a transcontinental flight from the UK. Maybe she was annoyed by a diligent customs official searching her designer bags? 

However, David flashes some major Chiclets and looks very happy to be here.

Wait, wait.  I spoke too soon. In this shot, her lips are slightly parted and I can almost see teeth. Ladies and gentleman, we have the beginnings of a smile!

Keep checking this space for official VB Smile Watch updates.   

Photo Credits: C'mon, give us a little grin. At least try to look happy to be here. 
M. Simmons/WireImage

Thank God Victoria Beckham is finally making her permanent move to LA today. She's just what we need. Because there are just not enough faux-blonde, faux-tanned, faux-boobied, fashion-addicted Barbies in this crazy town.

"Not as many people know who we are," Victoria admitted on The Today Show. "It might be a bit crazy when we first get here, because we're new, but then I think people will probably realize, you know what, I'm actually quite boring."

Um, actually, some of us realized that a long time ago.

Frankly, I've been worried about Victoria's inability to move her face. So I was relieved to read recently that she's aware that her trademark Euro-fash stone face won't fly in here in Smiley Face La-La Land. She recently told W magazine that she will be making an attempt to smile more often in the US.

"I think people are really going to see me for the first time. I think they have this impression that I'm this miserable cow who doesn't smile. But I'm actually quite the opposite."

She's right about that. Why, even I thought she was a miserable cow until I stood next to her at Karl Lagerfeld's Cruise Collection runway show a few weeks ago. She can smile and she's actually kinda cute when she does, a bit like one of those impish Troll Dolls.

At least Posh doesn't have any serious acting aspirations. However, that isn't stopping her from appearing on some upcoming episodes of "Ugly Betty." As herself.  According to the Daily Mail, a source close to the Beckhams revealed "She was particular about not launching herself as an actress because she is aware that she isn't one. That's why she wants to play herself, so she doesn't have to act." 

One could argue that playing Victoria Beckham is very much an act.

Photo Credits: Better stand back, folks. When those things finally pop, the innocent bystander death toll will be substantial.
Niki Nikolova/WireImage