Wardrobe Malfunction? Bah! Nothing topples Emma Thompson's tea cart.

"Oh, Dear. Pardon me while I rearrange myself and tuck my breasts back in," the Oscar/BAFTA-winning British actress ("Howard's End," Sense and Sensibility") told an agog reporter at the Gallery on Lindbrook afterparty for the "Stranger Than Fiction" premiere, as she stuffed the mischievous mammaries back inside her slinky white Roberto Cavalli gown.

Then she confessed she was going to have to return the dress the next day. You gotta love this gal.

Photo Credits: Careful, Emma. Those babies are liable to leap out at a moment's notice!
Jeffrey Mayer/WireImage

Attention, aspiring comedians. Here's what not to say when hosting Barbara Davis's 17th Annual Mercedes-Benz Carousel of Hope Gala, which aids childen suffering from diabetes:  fat jokes.

Why? Because Barbara's battling-excess-baggage grandson Jason Davis was at one of the front tables, that's why. And because - duh - there's a possible link between obesity and diabetes.

Excerts from Jay Leno's painfully inappropriate intro: “Scientists now believe obesity is caused by a virus. Does that mean you can now call in fat to work? “Sorry, boss. I’m can’t make it today. My ass is as big as a house. I’m gonna take two M&M’s and go to bed.”

"Dairy Queen now serves ice cream with chunks of cheesecake. Have we reached the point where cheesecake is merely an ingredient? ”Yeah,I'd like a little more cheesecake on that please.”

"Domino's Pizza is now serving a tray of brownies. Who came up with that idea? After a few slices of pizza, who goes, “Hey, I could use a tray of brownies?”

“Just look how fat our children are. Tell your kid to wipe his a** and it’ll take him an hour.”
When the audience finally groaned en masse at that final fat crack, Leno fired back, “Oh, that’s right, shoot the messenger!”

Next time Jay, better tell your writers what the charity event you're hosting is raising money for.

Hey, I'm not eating cheesecake, he is! Quincy Jones points to the brunt of Jay Leno's jokes at the Carousel of Hope Gala last weekend.
Photo Credits: (Michael Caulfield/WireImage)

Just in time for the Thanksgiving Day Parade...

a freshly inflated Joan Rivers Float!

Photo Credits: TV Guide Channel's red carpet diva floats into a New York gala at the Pierre Hotel
Hal Horowitz/WireImage

Everybody wants to be the Queen these days. Or just dress like her.

That's why one of the season's hottest jackets-  in New York and London - is the Barbour "Beaufort" wax hunting jacket with corduroy collar and cuffs worn by Helen Mirren in "The Queen."

According to the film's costume designer, Consolata Boyle, Mirren sports the classic British to-the-manor-born jacket (which costs around $395) in several scenes on the grounds of the royal Balmoral estate.

"It's become quite the thing, I understand," Boyle said, chatting during a guild screening at the Harmony Gold. "I can understand it actually. It's a very practical, no-nonsense jacket with lots of little zippers and pockets everywhere."

To accessorize your stalking outfit, may we suggest a rollicking pair of Wellies and a classic Hermes scarf, perferably with a horsey print.  There, that should do it. Now, off you go. But do be back in time for tea.

Sienna Miller has questionable taste in men.

Remember all that flap over her fiance Jude Law and the babysitter?

Well, now they (meaning Sienna and Jude) are back together and monogamy is no longer an issue. She recently told the press, "We're all f---ing animals, you know?" 

But let's give her this: She's definitely got legs and she knows how to use them.

Here, Sienna shows off her stems in a white silk Marchesa mini-frock at Marchesa's second anniversary party at Bergdorf Goodman in New York.

The actress, soon to appear as Edie Sedgewick in "Factory Girls," hosted the bash for Georgina Chapman and designing partner Keren Craig, along with Hollywood stylist Rachel Zoe.

And yes, Harvey Weinstein, still Georgina's  main man, was there too. 

Don't be surprised if the Marchesa line -- thanks in part to Harvey and Zoe's combined influence -- makes a bigger-than-ever show on the 2007 Awards Season carpets.

Photo Credits: Sienna Miller tries to pull off a modernized Marilyn Monroe pose. Works for me. How about you?
Jim Spellman/WireImage

File this under: What Was She Thinking?

Okay, who wore what looks like toilet paper wrapped around her ankles Thursday night?

See the culprit after the jump...

Double Grammy winner Eve turned up at the MAC Cosmetics Chinese Dress bash that closed down Robertson Boulevard to car traffic for the first (and hopefully the last) time in WeHo's celebrity-strewn shopping street's history.

The singer/actress was the most famous face among the throngs of MAC devotees who came to the boutique to see a live gallery of a dozen naked models air brushed with MAC pigments to look like they had on sequined dresses. During the um, viewing, bare-chested boys -- their pecs stamped with a Chinese design/character-- passed out Asian nibbles and fruity cocktails.

The astonishing exhibit debuted in Shanghai in 2005 and New York this spring. Next stop? San Francisco in 2007. All the airbrushed designs created by Juicy Couture, Sue Wong and Vivian Tam were variations on the Qi Pao, a classic Chinese garment.

The naked models seemed to get David Hasselhoff all hot 'n' bothered. He carefully scrutinized the girls to see if they were really wearing thongs and pasties. Memo to David: Don't wear that long frock coat again. It makes you look even creepier than those accidentally released divorce accusations/documents do.

Not everyone in Hollywood is obsessed with Oscar nominations.

Take Wednesday night's big launch party for Xbox's new "Gears of War" game at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery.

First to arrive at the pre-Halloween bash was a Britney-less Kevin Federline, who played the new Xbox game for hours with his posse of punks. No one on the red carpet heard him mention the Oscars once!

K-Fed was so darn busy gaming that he didn’t seem to notice all the hot babes at the party. Wanna bet he's like that at home too?

Mr. Spears wore a lot of bling and a sweatshirt that said "Playing with Fire." He spent his time acting like the bad ass Rap Star he isn't.

"Bobby" star Lindsay Lohan -- who may have actually mentioned awards during the night -- showed up in a Gucci frock that she'd worn to her previous engagement that night, the "Gucci on Gucci" book party benefitting the Film Foundation at the Bel Air Hotel.

Wow, the same dress? At two parties ? She must be slipping. The old Lohan never would have been caught dead at two parties in just one frock.

What was the scariest moment at Xbox?

A skeletal Kate Bosworth snuck in the side entrance of the cemetery, which was decorated with bright red skulls and spooky Halloween decor.

Safely inside, bony Bos chatted with La Lohan whom she hadn’t seen since they'd hung out together in Paris during Spring '07 Fashion Week.

Just imagine their conversation: "So what designer gave you the most free clothes? Really? Me too!"

Both girls met Epic game creator Cliff Bleszinski and tried to play the game. Bosworth, admittedly not a big gamer, praised the amazing graphics. She told everyone that she'd just gotten her first Xbox 360 a few weeks ago.

Hey, with no steady beau and no meals planned, the girl's got a lot of time to kill.

Photo Credits: K-Fed in a Rap Star costume at the Xbox pre-Halloween party

Mike Guastella/WireImage
Photo Credits: Mistress of the Night Lindsay hits the Xbox bash after doing Gucci duty.
Mike Guastella/WireImage

Why did Ben Affleck announce that he was "going home to make love to the babysitter," after getting a Supporting Actor of the Year honor at the Hollywood Awards?

Duh.

The "babysitter" was none other than his wife Jennifer Garner, who walked the red carpet with him but then left to look after their daughter.

One look at Jen in this sexy bronze Gucci goddess gown explains Ben's mad rush.

Bet she'll be a great accessory during her hubby's Best Supporting Actor Oscar nomination campaign for his portrayal of George Reeves in "Hollywoodland."

Photo Credits: Jennifer Garner is definitely back in secret agent shape at the Hollywood Awards. We don't blame Ben for racing home.
Greg DeGuire/WireImage

Never a dull moment at the Hollywood Awards Monday night.

Ben Affleck seducing the babysitter. Sandra Bullock bragging about her husband's sexual prowess. Oliver Stone admitting he was drunk onstage 30 years ago. Lindsay Lohan chiding Morgan Creek producers about that mean "party girl" letter. Now there's a good career move. And a just-outta-rehab Robin Williams thanking the Hollywood Film Festival for the open bar.

"I have to thank the woman who's baby-sitting my daughter tonight," said Affleck, who won Supporting Actor of the Year for his role in "Hollywoodland" about wife Jennifer, who went home after walking the carpet with him. "She's the reason for most of the good things that have happened in my life. So, all you people at my table, if I don't come back it's because I've gone home to make love to the babysitter."

Bullock, who won Supporting Actress of the Year for her role in "Infamous," thanked director Douglas McGrath for taking a risk on  her, "When everyone else was trying to get me to make 'Miss Congeniality: Part Six.'"

Looking at her husband, Bullock added, "And I'd like to thank my boyfriend whom I happen to be married to. You inspire me with the good loving you give me every day - and especially last night! She told the audience,"Really, you have NO idea."

"A little too much booze in the Green Room, Sandra?," joked one of the evening's hosts, Entertainment Tonight's Mark Steines, when Bullock left the stage.

Stone, who picked up the Director of the Year award reminisced, "Thirty years ago I was on this stage for an event and I was ejected. I'd gotten inebriated with two models of sobriety, Richard Harris and Chevy Chase. So here I am again, 30 f--king years later. And it's great to sit here for two and a half hours and know you're going to win."

Even Lohan, who won the Breakthrough Actress of the Year Award, acknowledged her party girl rep. "With all the attention given to my extracurricular activities, it means so much to get an award for something I really love to do and that's act."

But she couldn't help taking a not-so-gentle jab at the Morgan Creek folks. You remember that made-public letter about the producers not believing her tardiness due to "exhaustion" and "dehydration."

"I'd also like to thank everyone on 'Georgia Rule' and at Morgan Creek, because apparently, I was late every day."

But the recovering alcoholic Robin Williams really grabbed the bottle and ran with it. Accepting his Career Achievement Award, he noted, "It's an honor to get a career achievement award and not be incontinent. And it's great to get out of rehab and go to a place with an open bar, thank you! Great to have wine bottles on every table, thank you very much!"

And he just couldn't resist poking fun of another recent rehabber. "It's great to be here standing next to this giant H," he said, pointing the giant onstage gold letter.

"We know the H is for Hollywood, but to Mel Gibson, it stands for Hebrew. Later we'll be showing clips from Mel's new movie, "Punch and Judaism."

Photo Credits: Backstage, Ben and Sandra talk about spousal sex?
Lester Cohen/WireImage

Photo Credits: Oliver doesn't mind waiting for the award. Honest.
Lester Cohen/WiireImage

Photo Credits: Robin faux relieves himself at the Starz after-party with Actor of the Year winner Forest Whitaker and Bonnie Hunt.
Michael Caulfield/WireImage