George Clooney and Ellen Barkin are dating?

Okay, I admit it. When I first heard about the Oscar-winning hunk getting icky cozy with his "Ocean's Thirteen" co-star - an over 50/double divorcee/mother of two - I got a little creeped out.

I mean, this guy could 'date' (and I mean 'date' in precisely the way you think I mean it) any woman in Hollywood. Oh, let's be honest and say it, George could easily get any woman in the world. Twice.

But their new May-December relationship makes a perverse sort of sense. George is always dating gorgeous women younger than his 45 years. And after a while, all the hot young babes start to make those annoying "Where is this relationship going" and "I want a family" whiney noises.

But with Barkin, a good seven years Clooney's senior, there's no biological clock ticking. Heck, it's not even plugged in anymore. So there's no need to keep stalling that dreaded walk down the aisle.

Finally, someone the eternal Hollywood bachelor/hunk can have steamy "Sea of Love" escapades with and not worry about when she'll hit him with an inevitable marriage ultimatum.

Besides, George is not her first younger man. After her divorce from Gabriel Byrne and before her marriage to Revlon magnate Ron Pearlman, she dated David Arquette. At the time, he was 23 and she was 40. You go, girl. Anyway, it's not like she's robbing the cradle for George, the way Demi Moore did with poor Ashton Kutcher.

And despite reports of Barkin hawking her jewelry given to her during her five-year marriage to billionaire ex-hubby Perelman, she did get a fairly sizeable settlement - something like $20 million. So she can even afford to 'Go Dutch.'

Can't beat that with a stick, huh, George?

Photo Credits: Newly single Ellen Barkin still knows how to party like a rock star, seen with pal Rebecca De Mornay at Amy Sacco's "Cocktails" party at the Chateau Marmont in July, 2006. But can she keep George Clooney's interest once "Oceans 13"  has wrapped?
WireImage/Michael Caulfield

In response to my query about what the double finger salute from by the perpetually partying and late-to-the set actress Lindsay Lohan and her "I scowl, therefore I'm tough" DJ pal Samantha Ronson at the Entertainment Weekly pre Emmy party really meant...

Turns out It's not a new millennium Peace Sign or a modern V for Victory double digit flash.

An HB reader writes "The "peace sign" Lohan's friend is giving you is the British version of the finger, meaning "Get Stuffed" or, translated, "Up Yours."

Just to refresh, here are the girls flipping us off. Gosh, their mothers must be so proud.

Neither Prince nor Pink performed at the lavish HBO Emmy bash at the Pacific Design Center. They were busy at their respective gigs – the ET/People party at the Mondrian hotel and the TV Guide bash at Social Hollywood.

But some of the dancers gyrating to the pulse-pounding, percussion-heavy disco tunes (think “Jungle Boogey”) at the HBO Emmy bash were reportedly pros hired to get the party started.

And it worked. Aida Turturro, who plays Tony’s sister on “The Sopranos,” was the first to do a victory dance for HBO’s 26 Emmy wins. She also tried (unsuccessfully) to drag Olympic figure skater Sasha Cohen on the floor but the adorable Skater Girl was too busy doing HBO star-gazing.

And there were plenty of luminaries, honchos and Emmy winners to watch in the clear plexi-tented sprawling patio party, decorated with starfish squiggled carpets, pinky orange lights, bubbling water fountains and buffet tables piled high with beet salad, chicken, pork chops, spicy seafood, and dessert tables littered with tiny crème brulees and baby brownies.

A red-gowned Edie Falco was enthralled with a man performing sleight-of-hand magic tricks at the “Sopranos” table while Lorraine Bracco –in glittery gold -  chatted with a pal from Miami, where the show has - and will continue to be – shooting. Stevie Van Zandt – not a bit surprised that “24” won big and pleased about “The Office” acclaim - chowed down at a table next to his jovial "Sopranos" co-starJames Gandolfini.
Warren Beatty looked engrossed in deep conversation with New York Times film writer Sharon Waxman while his “Mrs. Harris” Emmy nominated wife Annette Bening talked about her daughter’s fashion sense with a friend she’d not seen since Carrie Fisher’s birthday party.

A few folks looked up briefly when cameras flashed as Paris Hilton slithered by the “Sopranos” table, but they quickly went back to celebrating. Candy Spelling and her son Randy arrived together but  quickly seemed to go their separate ways.

Lisa Kudrow didn’t get a gold statue but she still reveled in the validation from her nomination for “The Comeback.”

“It does feel sweet that we got three nominations and so much good press,” she admitted. As she thanked a People scribe for complimenting her black Valentino dress, Kudrow’s handsome French hubby Michel Stern piped in, “It is the back that is even more gorgeous. That is why I wanted her to get onstage, not to pick up that silly thing, but to show the gorgeous back!”

Okay, sweet. But no more Moet & Chandon pink bubbly for you.

“Ray” director Taylor Hackford congratulated an overwhelmed Kelly MacDonald ("The Girl in the Café”) while his Emmy-winner "Elizabeth" wife Helen Mirren, heavenly in a white chiffon Morgana Le Fay gown, hugged her Emmy-holding co-star Jeremy Irons. And it's not easy to hug when holding an Emmy. You could easily put someone's eye out with that sharp winged thing.

Across the room, HBO’s other Jeremy - Jeremy Piven - was literally holding court, his “Entourage” Emmy safely standing on his table.  Wearing his now loosened up ascot, Piven was getting high fives, backslaps and hug-it-outs from Kevin Connolly and Nicky Hilton, Adrian Grenier, Perrey Reeves,  friends and fans while his Emmy date – his exhausted mom – sat staring at her empty plate with her hands cupped over her ears.

There’s only so much disco a mom can take. Even for her Emmy-winning, ascot-wearing actor son.

The only person enjoying Piven’s win more than Piven was Ari Gold’s assistant Lloyd, played by Rex Lee. So is he worried about Piven’s ego explosion after getting a shot of Emmy gold?

“Oh, I don’t think so,” Lee confided. “And even if the worst thing happened and he got a big head and became insufferable, I could still – if I wanted to – avoid him when we weren’t working. But I get the best of him at work. He’s brilliant and kind-hearted and it’s a blessing to have such great onscreen chemistry.”

At midnight, the party was barely beginning to thin out. Exhausted Emmy host Conan O’Brien was outside talking with Megan Mullally, holding her Emmy and talking about her new talk show, natch. O’Brien’s wife had taken her high heels off and was teetering in her bare feet waiting for their car at the backed-up valet.

Grenier - without any entourage at all  – ran down the street and hopped into a small car, probably to whisk over to a hotter party around town. But Lee ran outside to tell departing pals, “You go on. I’m staying here at HBO.”

Wise move, Lloyd.

Photo Credits:
Adrian Grenier's only faux pouting about Jeremy Piven's Emmy win at the HBO shindig. I think.
WireImage/John Sciulli
Lisa Kudrow arrives at HBO's bash with husband Michel Stern. And he's definitely watching her back!
WireImage/Mark Sullivan
Photo Credits: The queen and her consort -  Helen Mirren and Jeremy Irons - put their heads together at the HBO Emmy party
WireImage/John Sciulli

Even counterterrorist agent Jack Bauer would have had trouble with the nuclear explosion of congrats showering “24” star Kiefer Sutherland Sunday night.

The actor, still clutching his winged Emmy victory statue for Outstanding Actor in a Drama, sounded overwhelmed, using words like “humbling,” “grateful,” and "thankful,” when he finally made it to the Fox party at Spago in Beverly Hills.

But everyone at the bash agreed: the Kiefer Kudo Attack was long over-due. Sutherland was nominated for the role for five years and rumors were floating around town early Sunday afternoon that this could be the actor’s big night.

After hugging the actor, even Jon Cassar, the Emmy-winning director of “23,” admitted that he’d felt pretty darn sure Sutherland would take home a gold statue.

Inside the packed party, guests including Dennis Haysbert, Jaime Pressley, and Wentworth Miller, who had waited patiently for Sutherland to make his way from the Shrine, had been feeding like locusts on Wolfgang Puck’s spread of seafood, sushi, spring roles and platters of pizza.

Photo Credits: Emmy winners Kiefer Sutherland and "24" director John Cassar have two big shiny gold reasons to smile at the Fox Emmy Party Sunday night. 
WireImage/Alexandra Wyman

Okay girls, 'fess up. No way this could be a coincidence. So who called who?

A few stray stars showed up for the Academy of Televison Arts and Sciences party to honor the Emmy nominees  at the Pacific Design Center Friday night.

"Rescue Me" star Denis Leary wandered in with his wife Ann. The couple looked around horrified and grabbed a quick nibble from the seafood bar. Cloris Leachman did a longer seated chow down and Jane Kaczmarek ran in and out at the last minute.

This made the highlight of the party the official Emmy sponsor Dove Chocolate display – spinning chocolate trays and a box that opened like a snapping treasure chest – complete with bags for guests to scoop up lotsa chocolate and take it home to stuff their faces.

The far more star-studded affair that night was the Gersh Agency’s annual Emmy nominee bash at the Sunset Towers, sponsored by the numero uno high-end tequila Grand Centenario.

Held out by the pool overlooking the twinkle lights of LA, the movers-and-shakers mixer honored Gersh’s big E nominees Debra Messing, Chris Meloni, Elizabeth Perkins, Kyra Sedgwick, Megan Mullally, Kelly MacDonald, and Jeffrey Tambor, along with several "Project Runway" designers such as Nick, Santino, and Raymundo.

Also enjoying the view:, Mary McCormack, Holland Taylor, James Vanderbeek, Balthazar Getty, Kevin Bacon, Jeff Goldblum, Kevin Nealon, Jonathan Silverman, Robin Tunney. Blythe Danner, who’s not even with the agency,  came by  to catch up with Messing. Which makes sense. Remember she played Will’s Mom on “Will and Grace” and they’ve both won Women in Film Lucy Awards.

Messing, chatting with Santino, introduced the fledging fashion force to Warren Littlefield, former head of NBC, saying, “And now I want you to meet the man who responsible for my entire career.” At which point, a grateful Santino hugged Littlefield.

Gosh, moments like those are just priceless.

"The Girl in the Cafe" nominee MacDonald ("Nanny McPhee") told me that her dress that night - a sweet, old-fashioned beige frock - cost just $9.99. Turns out it was purchased in a little clothing shop in New Mexico and reworked by costume designer Mary Zophres on MacDonald's just-wrapped Cohen brothers film, “No Country for Old Men.”

The film, based on a Cormac McCarthy novel, stars Javier Bardem, Tommy Lee Jones and Woody Harrelson. “Yeah, I know,” Kelly said, with that adorable Scottish lilt. “What a bunch of no-talents.”

At the Emmys, Kelly will wear a slightly more upscale frock from Elsie Katz Couture. “They were so lovely and showed me two dresses. The first was kind of a white flapper dress and it was very pretty but the alternate was the one I really loved.”

And no, I’m not going to spoil the surprise and give away any more details. You’ll just have to watch the show to see it.

Photo Credits: Denis Leary and wife make a pit stop at the official Emmy nominee party Friday night.Apparently, no one told that that one goes to it.
WireImage/Mark Sullivan

Photo Credit: Kelly MacDonald - seen here at the London premiere of "Nanny McPhee" - will wear an Elsie Katz design to today's Emmys.
WireImage/Ferdaus Shamim

The hot topic at Saturday's Entertainment Weekly Pre-Emmy bash at Republic on that once-quiet little WeHo street known as Melrose Place?

Is poor maligned Lindsay Lohan POed with William H. Macy for calling her out in People about her constant “rude” tardiness on the set of “Bobby?”

Seems she was also late a lot on that film, as well as on the set of “Georgia Rule,” which also stars Macy’s wife Felicity Huffman. So yeah, let's forget about all those “dehydration” excuses.

But Miss Lohan was all smiles - clad in leggings, loose white top and multiple bracelets - arriving with her pal Samantha Ronson, who was actually not late to work for her DJ duty that night.

“Why do they play the music so loud at a party where all people come for is to talk to each other?”  wondered one guest trying to find a spot to stand without blasting ear-drum destroying speakers.

In between screaming and/or struggling to read lips, guests grabbed Revlon lipsticks (even Blythe Danner, who looked like she could use some), scads of really big TV stars, anxious publicists and happy-to-be-invited anywhere civilian guests ate ice cream, checked out the new Chocolate cell phones and grabbed EW mags strewn about the warehouse-sized club.

One issue had "House" doc Hugh Laurie on the cover. So natch, he was there. The other issue’s cover peeps were “Project Runway”’s perpetually pregnant Heidi Klum and her PR costar Tim Gunn.

Hot babes included Allison Janney, posing with Mariska Hargitay,  in a brown jacket/black jeans, Lisa Edelstein, Kate Walsh,Maggie Grace, Rebecca Gayheart, Sarah Chalke and Angie Harmon.

Tina Fey, Lauren Graham and a tan and actually hot-looking Matthew Perry posed together for photos. Cheryl Hines and Kim Raver, looking tres sexy in a fitted white dress with a bit of black bra showing, were in the house, as well as Lisa (“my lips are so real”) Rinna and Harry Hamlin.

“Rescue Me” nominee Denis Leary showed up with his whole darn family. He and his wife hit the by-contrast rather subdued official Academy of TV Arts and Scienes cocktail party on Friday night at the Pacific Design Center, which was I think is supposed to be like the Oscar nominees lunch.

There’s one big difference. Slim nominee pickings. More may have showed up after I left for The Gersh Agency’s big Grand Centenario-sponsored star studded bash at the Sunset Towers pool bar. But I only spotted Leary, Jane Kaczmarek, Cloris Leachman and Alfre Woodard.

Tip: For better attendance, try throwing the official cocktail party BEFORE the awards ballots are due back, like the AMPAS does. Trust me, it works every time.

Photo Credits: Lindsay Lohan does EW's Emmy bash and she's NOT late! Okay, is that a peace sign Samantha's giving us or some new alternative lifestyle double bird? WireImage/John Shearer
Photo Credits: Blythe grabs some Revlon lipstick. Let's pray the Earth Grandmother wears some to the Emmys.  WireImage/Eric Charbonneau
Photo Credits: Just because Heidi's preggers and Gunn may be a little light in the loafers does not mean that they cannot behave like total EW Publicity Hos. WireImage/John Shearer
Photo Credits: Allison Janney takes a break from swag shopping (thank God) to squeeze her Emmy competition to death. Hey, Allison, is that a knife in my back or are you just glad to see me? WireImage/ Michael Caulfield

Top LA hair colorist Negin Zand’s clients include oh, just a few famous  females with fabulous hair: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kate Hudson, Reese Witherspoon, Nicole Kidman, Scarlett Johansson and Mariska Hargitay.

So she clearly knows a little something about coloring hair but keeping it healthy. Her trademark is highlights and color that looks completely natural using Bailage, not foils.

So what’s going to look new on the Emmy carpet Sunday?

“I don’t think any actress is going to make a big change right before a big event or an awards show. It’s not the time. Plus it’s the end of summer and not yet fall so it’s a strange time for a color change.”

But Zand, who works at Sally Hershberger's Salon on Melrose Place, does suggest John Frieda’s new Luminous Color Glaze, the first and only at-home glaze treatment that adds a touch of color, a boost of shine and a smooth silky feel in just three minutes.

“It’s genius,” Zand raved Thursday at the John Frieda Pre Emmy Suite in the Roosevelt Hotel penthouse suite, where she’d been glazing Jaime Pressley, Ming Na and Tia Carrera’s hair.

“There’s never been a product like this for home use. It will keep your color fresher longer with just a hint of color and a lot of shine.”

So now you know why Pressley's hair will look so darn shiny on Sunday. She's been glazed!

Photo Credits: Jaime Pressley gets glazed by  top colorist Negin Zand at the John Frieda Pre- Emmy Suite on Thursday.
WireImage/Lester Cohen

I know you've all been holding your breath until you found out which actresses may wear Jimmy Choo heels to Sunday's Emmy Awards and the after-parties.

Here is your long-awaited list of Choo-Junkie nominees, presenters and guests:

Kyra Sedgwick,  Ellen Pompeo, Katherine Heigl, Heather Locklear, Calista Flockhart, Evangeline Lilly, Kelly MacDonald, Cheryl Hines, Candice Bergen, Jaime Pressley, Jaime King, Megan Mullally, Jenna Fischer, Leslie Bibb, Jacelyn Smith, Tina Fey, Kelly Carlson, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Judy Reyes.

Hopefully, some of these gals will be sporting those shorter skirts we've been hearing about so we can finally see these darn expensive, sexy shoes.

Photo Credits:. Kyra Sedgwick looks elegant at the Loverboy premiere in New York in June. Bet she looks even better at Sunday's Emmy Awards. But wear a short skirt, we beg you.
WireImage/Jim Spellman

Ooo, that smell. Can't you smell that smell?

It had to happen sooner or later: Lindsay Lohan is getting her very own perfume. Hey, it can't smell any worse than Paris Hilton's bottled stench.

WWD also reports that the busy, busy, busy actress/party girl/singer is also planning to open a used clothing boutique in Paris. Seems she now has so many vintage designer duds that she needs a serious recycling program.

Hey, the girl went through three dresses (Calvin, Versace and LaCroix) at the last Oscar parties. Who knows how many she may wipe out at the Emmy parties this Sunday.

And God forbid, she should start repeating herself. I say, Bravo! Sell your used vintage chic to some unsuspecting Parisians.

Photo Credits: Lindsay poses like Brigitte Bardot at Jeremy Piven's party at the Poloroid Beach House. Will she try to pawn this naughty leetle bit of peach lace off to zee French fashion folks? See the cigarette tucked in her hand? Oh, mon dieu, zat is so French.
WireImage/Jamie McCarthy

Keira Knightley may not be nominated for an Emmy. But the young Oscar nominated actress is definitely hitting the Emmy swag circuit.

Yesterday the "Pride and Prejudice" star surprised everyone by showing up at the Silver Spoon Hollywood Buffet where she picked up a new pair of dangling diamond earrings by Arezzo (a mere $7,500) from the folks at the Diamond Journey booth.

The stones are arranged from the smallest to the largest to sympolize how love becomes more intense and meaningful over time.

Or not.

Keira told the diamond girls, "I love the concept of Journey because it symbolizes the exciting things that have happened in my life and how far I've come."

You have come pretty far, Keira.

But you've arrived at an Emmy pampering/shopping suite along with Tara Reid,  Ellen Barkin, Lacey Chabert, Caroline D'Amore, Jason Davis and Kathy Griffin.

Now run for your life. And save your ever-lasting soul.

Photo Credit: Keira loves her new diamond danglies from the Silver Spoon Hollywood Buffet. Wonder if she had to fight Ellen Barkin for them.
Photo by Paige Mycoskie

“I hate everyone”

Anyone who’s seen “Little Miss Sunshine,” Fox Searchlight's hilarious indie summer sleeper starring Greg Kinnear, Toni Collette, Alan Arkin and Steve Carell, knows that line.

Now you can wear it on your chest.

“Little Miss Sunshine” T-shirts are now selling at the trendiest boutique in town - Kitson - located on Robertson Blvd, the hot WeHo shopping street and the site of so many celebrity car crashes, I’ve lost count.

So drive carefully. Paris or Lindsay might be in the hood. But you can’t miss Kitson. The window has a big yellow VW bus cut-out, a blown up film poster and buckets of Dinah’s Chicken (from the actual chicken place out on Sepulveda whose chicken is eaten in the film).

The other LMS shirts are “No one gets left behind” and  “Everybody pretend to be normal.”

The bright yellow shirts ($38) can be purchased online at shopkitson.com starting Sept 1.

Right now there are no plans for more LMS clothing or an expanded merchandize line. But one can always hope. I desperately need a "Where's Olive?" shirt for the 2007 Awards Season.

Photo Credits: Everybody pretend to dress normal! Kitson's new "Little Miss Sunshine" windows.
Photo courtesy of Fox Searchlight

The 2006 Emmy fashion predictions sound slightly boozy.

Insiders say the Emmy red carpet will be awash with gowns in champagne, chardonnay, rose, Cabernet and merlot hues. But what about the real stuff?

Moet & Chandon Rose will be flowing freely at the HBO Emmy soiree at the Pacific Design Center for stars from “The Sopranos,” “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” “Deadwood,” “Entourage” and “Elizabeth.”  I’m wagering Queen Helen Mirren will be tossing back some major pink bubbly.

The rose makes perfect sense since the HBO party’s theme is “Summer in the South of France” with coral and pink-colored carpet, backdrops, tablecloths, flowers and drapery. So be warned, ladies. You should rethink wearing pink unless you want to be mistaken for party décor.

But at the 58th annual Governors Ball, which starts immediately after the broadcast, the vino of the night will be Beaulieu Vineyards 2002 George de Latour Private Reserve Cabernet, which retails for $100 bucks a bottle. But for those who want to avoid a red wine-tinged grin, which can look slightly disturbing in photos, there’s also a lovely white being served: a 2004 Beaulieu Vineyard Napa Chardonnay.

Bottoms up!

Seen on the Suite Scene:

"West Wing" Emmy nominee Allison Janney was spotted picking out two rings from Space Mermaid, a new line of jewelry that also got Paula Abdul’s attention at the GBK gifting/pampering suites at the newly revamped Sofitel Hotel.

Paula admired three necklaces (mother of pear/coral sea horse, gold sea horse/starfish, a long gold charm one) and a quartz crystal and copper wire-wrapped ring.

And she was so darn nice, fledgling jewelry designer Stephanie Carbone gave her all of them. "She took the time to talk, giving out hugs and encouragement. She couldn't have been any sweeter or more generous with her time."

That's probably why they call Paula "the nice one."

The GBK invite put the Gift Bag at "$30,00 and growing." But it wasn't limited to just high-end items. Although folks did seem to covet the gold-plated BizBuzz Nokia phone ($2,500) more than a bottle of Ed Begley’s eco-friendly Best Cleaning Product or the really practical dog leash with a built-in flashlight and poop bags.

Janney was spotted gobbling up several designer chocolates before stopping, telling the maker, “I still have to fit into my Emmy dress.”

In the hills, Emmy nominee Debra Messing picked out a new watch from designer Charlie Lapson at the “Iced Out” Emmy suite, held at a private home above Sunset Plaza. You remember Charlie. ALL the "Housewives" carry his fab purses and they'll love his new watches that pass as fine jewelry.

Messing also snagged a pair of Cameron Diaz’s fave super-soft jeans designed by David Kahn (you can pay for yours at Nordstrom). And she stepped out in two free pairs of Stuart Weitzman heels, one in a red/brown color recommended by stylist Vivian Turner because It matches your hair!” Yeah, that’s how I choose my shoes, too.

Nicollette Sheridan grabbed some free Weitzmans and posed provocatively wearing her spiky new heels. Larry King popped in with a bright turquoise shirt and his wife Shawn. Geena Davis got a new Lapson bag and picked out a diamond necklace from WhiteFlash, billed as a conflict-free diamond company.

What’s a conflict-free diamond, you ask? Well, according to the Diamond Industry, they all are now, thanks to the self-regulating Kimberly Process. But groups like Amnesty International aren't so sure. Trust me, you’ll be hearing more about the whole conflict-free bling business when Warner Bros.’ new film “The Blood Diamond” is released in December.

Tip: anyone who wants a conflict-free diamond is advised to do a lot of research and not simply trust a diamond company’s ad copy. 

Star suite updates: "Closer" Emmy nominee Kyra Sedgwick and Allison Janney (does this woman have time for anything but suite shopping this week?) will attend the fabulous Silver Spoon Hollywood Buffet Thursday (that's today) at a private residence in Hollywood.

And "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" Emmy nomie Mariska Hargitay is scheduled to stop by on Friday.

No, I don't know what time. And no, I’m not going to tell you where the Silver Spoon is being held. Get a life, Stalker Freaks.

Photo Credits: Debra Messing poses with jeanius denim designer David Kahn jeanius at the "Iced Out" Emmy Suite
WireImage/Katie Hawkins
Photo Credits: Nicollette Sheridan does a little lap dance on a trapped Stuart Weitzman shoe rep at the "Iced Out" Emmy Suite.
WireImage/Katie Hawkins

Attention, celebrity shoppers! Green light specials at every Emmy Suite.

The Emmy Suites are cranking this week as nominees, presenters, pre and post-party peeps, even stars staying home to watch the show, show up at a baker's dozen suites set up for the sole purpose of pampering (mani-pedis, massages, facials, hair-cuts and blow drys) the stars and gifting them with cool free clothing, accessories, beauty products, even fabulous trips.

So will there be any letters given out explaining tax implications to celebs arriving at Emmy Suites, the way it was done at the Teen Choice Awards Celebrity Retreat on Sunday?

Not at the Silver Spoon Hollywood Buffet, says founder Lorena Bendinskas. For one thing, not everyone comes for swag. “Some stars will simply have lunch," she explains. "Others may have a massage or a manicure and some will shop. But it’s more of a party than a gifting suite. There is no official gift bag. So it's totally up to the individual.”

The aptly named Silver Spoon, one of the biggest and most popular suites, is always held in a top-secret private Hollywood estate. And this year, "The Simple Life" star Paris Hilton, now officially a singer (!)  and on the pampering party/freebie fest/charity benefit invite list, may run right into "American Idol" meanie Simon Cowell, also on the invitee list.

She's gonna have to hotfoot it back from Japan where she's promoting her album to make it to Silver Spoon. But if she does, will the tireless self-promoter give Simon a copy of her new CD?  I wouldn’t risk it, Paris. He can draw blood.

And frankly,  I’d steer clear of Joan and Melissa Rivers, also slated to attend, unless you’re feeling up to fierce fashion snipes about that Heidi Ho costume you wore in Toyko earlier this week.

This year the SSHB benefits Tom’s Foundation, which provides much needed medical care, school supplies and shoes to children around the world. With just a $35 donation, stars can make sure that children in poor villages in Argentina will receive a new pair of shoes.

Okay, $35 won't buy the tykes Uggs or Jimmy Choos. But apparently in poor countries, shoes are more than a fashion statement. Footwear actually prevents many horrible diseases contracted through bare feet. Wow. Who knew? Would weekly pedicures help too?

The pampering party may also draw invited TV stars like "NoTORIous" Tori Spelling, who is probably still reeling over getting her inheritance ripped off by Mommy Dearest after her dad Aaron kicked the bucket. Now she like really needs free stuff!

Also on the list David Spade and Jesse Metcalfe; who has about 3 seconds more fame time left after his movie “John Tucker Must Die” died at the box office.

Also sure to stop by: Jerry Ferrara, Constance Zimmer and Kevin Dillon (“Entourage”), Lisa Rinna and Rachel Hunter (“Dancing With the Stars”), Eric Balfour (“Conviction”), Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag (“The Hills”), Ryan Cabrera (Ashley Simpson’s former kinda beau), Terry Crews (“Everybody Hates Chris”), Mya and almost last but definitely not least,  the perpetual party girl Tara Reid (“Taradise”).

Photo Credits: Paris looks like she could be in St. Pauli Girl beer commercial at her record signing party in Toyko. Hope she changes before hitting the Silver Spoon Hollywood Buffet this week
WireImage/Jun Sato

Photo Credits: Allison Janney lugs her loot at the 2003 Silver Spoon. She started her swag hunt early this year, hitting the GBK Suite at the Sofitel Wednesday to meet Kerry Simon, the hotel’s new chef, get free chocolates, Space Mermaid jewelry and anything else that wasn’t nailed down.
WireImage/Lester Cohen

Hugh Laurie (“House”) and James Denton ("Desperate Housewives”) will not be onstage accepting any Emmys on Sunday.

I know, I know. Don't get me started on the whole stupid nominations voting debaucle again.

But that won’t stop these actors from hopping onstage at TV Guide’s Emmy bash later that night.

Both guys actually play in a band called Battle of the Network Stars that includes founder Greg Grunberg (“Alias", “Heroes”) Michael “Fish” Herring, Bob Guiney (ABC's “The View”), Bonnie Somerville (“NYPD Blue”), along with real professional musicians Barry Sarna, Brad Savage, Chris Kelly, and Rich Winer.

Word is that other “surprise celebrity guests are expected to take to the stage” with BNS. Nothing like a little celebrity Karoake to spice up a party.

I’m betting on Felicity Huffman (who's been known to cut loose at a few parties) and a few other Housewives to join their plumber pal Jamie. Alfre Woodard, perhaps?

Maybe even a few "Alias" alums, like Jennifer Garner and Victor Garber? How about "House" co-stars Lisa Edelstein, Jennifer Morrison or Jesse Spencer?

The BNS act won’t go on until after Pink has gotten the TV Guide party started at Social Hollywood, the site of the first Emmys in 1949.

By then, everyone there should be ready for just about anything. 

Photo Credits: Will Hugh's Battle of the Network Stars band get some help from Lisa and Jennifer at the TV Guide Emmy party? Stay tuned.
WireImage/John Sciulli

The Freebie Fountain hasn’t run dry.

But the recent announcement of income tax implications for gift bags is changing the Hollywood Swag Scene.

Just not very much.

Celebrities walking into the My Scene Fab Faces Celebrity Retreat at Sunday’s Teen Choice Awards were the first to feel the impact of the gift bag as taxable income.

Every star was actually handed a letter as they entered the room informing them of their tax responsiblity on the contents of  their gift bags.

“We also told everyone verbally in case they didn’t read the letter,” says Backstage Creations founder and president Karen Wood. Her client list includes American Music Awards, People's Choice Awards Kids Choice Awards, MTV Awards, the VW Lounge at Sundance, Essence Awards, and Latin Billboard Awards

Wood says she has been prepared for the IRS attention for quit a while. “We all knew all the headlines and buzz about how much the celebrity awards gift bags were worth was bound to bring attention. It was only a matter of time before the IRS came calling.”

Wood was pretty worried a few days before the show. What if no one wants to come into the Teen Choice Celebrity Retreat? How POed will the companies be that have booths set up to show off their wares and get photos of stars checking out their cool stuff? This could be a full-fledged Gift Bag/Celebrity Retreat disaster.

But to her surprise, everyone – from Jessica Alba to  Jessica Simpson – couldn’t care less about paying extra taxes on their gifts.

All the stars still came into the lounge, sat around on JC Penney furniture and checked out all the really cool stuff that would be stuffed into their gift bags from companies such as MobiTV, Neutrogena, Tokyo Pop, Chinese Laundry, Guess, Chinese Laundry, Wonka Candy, My Scene Fab Faces, V.Flash, Hello Kitty Ipod Speakers.

According to Wood, this year’s Teen Choice Celebrity Retreat was the best ever. 

Timbaland, Fall Out Boy, Kristen Bell and Snoop Dogg posed in the My Scene Doll photo booth. Simpson’s loveable Maltipoo Daisy barked and played with the IDog, an Ipod speaker that looks and walks like a dog. Kevin Federline grabbed a V.Flash Home Entertainment system with video games packed with learning for kids age 6 and up. He said it was for his daughter, age 4. But I think it might be for him.

Paula Abdul loved the new MobiTV players. Britney Spears was given a tiny pair of Uggs for her Tater Tot. And Alba didn’t want to get off the Homedics ICush, a cushion that lets you feel the beat of music, movie or a video game. Until she saw the Chinese Laundry bag that turns into a backpack. “This will be great for when I have to run from the paparrazzi,” she said.

Some celebs like JoJo chose to donate some of their gifts to the event’s charity, the City of Hope. Andy Sandler, Carmen Electra, Orlando Bloom and Ashley Olsen came in the Celeb Suite too, but just to autograph a Hello Kitty surfboard to be auctioned off to raise money for the charity.

So that's all the impact the Swag Tax had on the freeby fun at the Teen Choice Awards. But now folks are wondering what will happen at all the pre-Emmy lounges and gifting suites held this week at hotels and private homes all over town? Will the stars be given letters about having to pay taxes on these freebies too?

Stay tuned for more swag tax reax.

Photo Credits: Taxes? Who cares! Brandon Routh doesn't need to use his super powers to snag swag at the Teen Choice Awards.
WireImage/Jesse Grant
Photo Credits: Freebies are a family affair for Snoop Dogg, seen checking out the taxable swag at the Teen Choice Celebrity Suite with his sons.
WireImage/Jesse Grant

Who'll wear MAC makeup to the Emmy parties?

Maybe MAC fans Emily Deschanel and Christina Ricci.

Ricci, nominated for her guest spot on "Grey's Anatomy," looked hot in a turquoise Alberta Feretti gown and her new bee-stung lip look at Saturday's awards.

And Deschanel (on Fox's "Bones") was uber-cool in a Narcisco Rodriquez gown, creamy makeup, and pale lips at the Teen Choice awards.

"Creamy colors will be hot on the Emmy red carpet and the face is no exception," says John Stapleton, MAC senior artist. "The red carpet will be awash with sherbet tones across the fading bronze faces of celebrities. And bee stung lips will have a hint of color."

Stapleton claims celebs are loving MAC's latest Plushglass lip gloss because it "adds fullness over time with collagen." Better start using it right now, nominees and presenters.

Not to be outdone, Dior cosmetics will be worn by three top female faces on Emmy night.

Nominees Mariska Hargitay ("Law and Order: Special Victims Unit"), presenter Evangline Lilly ("Lost") and Lisa Storey (High School Musical,") will all wear Dior makeup, applied by their personal makeup artists Matthew Vanleeuwen, Lisa Storey and Garret Gervais.

Look for Lilly to have dark smoky eyes,  pale lips and perhaps a slightly undone updo, according to Storey, who has worked with the "Lost" cutie since they met on a Rolling Stone magazine shoot. "She is the most down-to-earth girl and has a wicked sense of humor," Storey says.

Storey will whip out Dior's Night Dust eye shadow kit with five- colors to mix; gray, black and brown shadows with a touch of glint.

For red carpet coverage, Storey will apply Dior's Air Flash airbrush foundation in - depending on the depth of Lily's natural tan - either a 300 or 400 shade.

Forget  all the Emmy champagne and chardonnay. Now it appears that darker, richer cabernet, burgundy, and merlot will be the hot colors for Emmy 2006.

"There will be some pale blush and champagne hues but more girls are looking at deep plums, chocolates and burgundy hues for their Emmy gowns," says Margaret Schell of SPR, a fashion public relations company. "And you might see some forest greens too."

But again, an underlying prediction being echoed around Tinsel Town is that 'Black will be the new black.' Stylist Elizabeth Stewart, who is working on  Evangeline Lilly's Emmy look, has been reviewing peach and other resort collection colors. But she may lean towards the blacks, purples, and deep autumal hues from designer's fall collections.

Look out for some new fashion faces on the Emmy carpet this season....

Photo Credits: Will Christina Ricci have a MAC attack at this weekend's Emmy parties - seen here at the Creative Emmy Awards?
WireImage/Jeffrey Mayer
Photo Credits: Evangeline Lilly looks delish in a deep burgundy silk frock at the Sci Fi Summit in July. Will she wear wine again on Emmy day?
WireImage/ Albert L. Ortega

Will someone please tell Britney Spears that she's no Heidi Klum?

Britney - pregnant with her 'Irish twin' - turned up Sunday to support hubby Kevin Federline at the Teen Choice Awards.

But she forgot an essential maternity tool - a dependable bra - and wore a pink chiffon minidress that could barely contain her lactation devices. And the short frock revealed far too much enlarged thigh.

As all style-conscious pregnant women know, it's a pair of still-shapely legs or an increased bustline, never reveal both at once.

Britney introduced her ersatz rapper, saying "This show has been very good to me and my career over the years. I'm hoping it will be as good to our next performer."

K-Fed proceeded to prance around the stage, dancing, grabbing his... bling, and singing "Lose Control" from his new album. After watching Fed's not-so-fancy footwork, one has to wonder, "He was one of Britney's backup dancers? How is that possible?" If you missed it, click here to see Kevin get down in flames.

According to USA Today, Fox network lost control and bleeped him many times for language that was not TV-PC. Even "American Idol" Paula Abdul, who praises anyone who can carry a tune in a bucket, wasn't impressed with K-Fed's vocal abilities. 

No sign of Brit and Kev's infant son, Tater Tot.  Brit must have left him at home with a suitable sitter. Or maybe the little lad was waiting in his parent's idling limo. Let's just hope they cracked the window.

I hear the expectant mother stopped by the Backstage Creations Celebrity Retreat during the show. What caught her eye? A big stuffed Hello Kitty and a My Scene Fab Faces doll wearing a pink satin gown, white fur and diamond necklace.

It's unlikely those pink girly playthings are for little Tater Tot. So is it possible that Britney and Kevin's next joint project might be a baby girl? Your thoughts?

Photo Credits: Britney Spears needs to put away the spaghetti straps for a while.
WireImage/Kevin Mazur

Photo Credits: Britney picks out a suspiciously estrogen-loaded toy at the Teen Choice Celebrity Retreat. Get ready for a little sister, Tater Tot.
WireImage/Mark Sullivan

Don't call it the 2006 Hollywood Foreign Press Installment Luncheon. Call it "Hipvah," as Dustin Hoffman suggested.

In truth, the annual HFPA luncheon was more like an Afternoon at the Improv.

Hostess Felicity Huffman got the laughs going from the get-go Thursday when she stepped up to the podium after being introduced by HFPA President Philip Berk.

“Okay, I’m supposed to ad lib now,” said the elegantly attired Golden Globe winning ("Transamerica") actress. “Not gonna happen.” Then she started reading the slowly scrolling tele-prompter, “For many years….” before she (gulp) realized she was reading Berk’s speech, not hers. “Oh, I’m supposed to step aside now,” she exclaimed,looking slightly horrified.

“Oh, I’m gonna be fired,” she whimpered as she backed up and backed up and bumped into a giant Golden Globe statue, very nearly knocking it over. She bowed her head in shame and covered her eyes.

The hysterical move was so perfectly timed that many in the audience - including those spitting out their salad with laughter - thought she’d rehearsed it. So did Dustin Hoffman, who tried to recreate her brilliant slapstick back-up when he got onstage but couldn’t pull it off with Huffman's “I Love Lucy” aplomb.

“I salute you. I’d give anything to work with you. You are my kinda girl,” Hoffman said to the still blushing Huffman.

Hoffman, who accepted a $30 grand check for the Los Angeles Conservancy, was nostalgic about the Rodeo Ballroom in the Beverly Hills Hotel because it was where his daughter’s Bat Mitzvah was held many years ago. “Now I know we're running a little late today and there is another Bat Mitzvah at 2, so I’ll try to hurry up.”

But he got the biggest laugh for his renaming of the HFPA to a more Jewish-sounding name, pronouncing it “Hipvah.”

Another comic standing was the legendary Jack Nicholson, there to accept a $300,000 check for Martin Scorsese’s Film Foundation.

“When I was asked to accept a check, something I’m very comfortable doing, no one told me I would also have to make a speech, something I’m not very comfortable doing,” slow-mo growled Nicholson, who then read a prepared speech, making it sound like an outtake from “Five Easy Pieces.” He ended by saying the $1.8 million the HFPA has given to the FF over the years “makes up for a lot of rubber chicken dinners.”

All I can says is Nicholson really does do a spot-on Jack Nicholson impersonation. I mean, Jay Mohr does a better Christopher Walken than Walken but no one can hold a candle to Nicholson’s Nicholson.

Others accepting checks: Diane Lane, Annette Bening, Christina Ricci, Bill Condon, Lisa Kudrow, Mark Ruffalo, Edward James Olmos and James Franco. They all did fine, were dressed appropriately and acted very respectful  reading their prepared speeches and accepting checks that totaled over $1 million in support for organizations such as Film Aid International, Outfest, California State Summer School Arts Foundation, Inner-City Arts, American Cinematheque, Sundance, Institute, IFP West and Inner-City Filmmakers.

But next time I hope they loosen up a little. Take a tip from Felicity, Dustin and Jack.  A little less decorum, a little more Hipvah and lot more slapstick, please.

Photo Credits:
Don't be fooled by Felicity Huffman's red carpet manners at the Hipvah Luncheon. She's capable of doing physical comedy, even when she hasn't rehearsed it.
WireImage/Steve Granitz
C'mon, Jack. Do Jack Nicholson for us! Man, are you good at that or what? Hey, can you do it for my cell phone voice mail when you're done at the Hipvah Luncheon?
WireImage/Steve Granitz 

It's okay. You can all relax. Looks like Oscar presenters, performers and nominees won’t have to pay back taxes on their past gift baskets, after all.

According to a release from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, they've reached a “mutually satisfactory agreement” with the IRS settling the tax obligations on gift bags up until 2005.

What a relief. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been losing sleep about this ever since I heard rumors that Academy swag bags filled with goodies, fabulous trips, services, designer stuff estimated at $75-100 grand, might be dubbed additional income and could cause a slight tax hike for celebs.

Because I’m sure these poor stars who make $10-50-100 million per movie don’t have accountants who can hide a gift basket or find a charity contribution to offset a measly hundred grand. I've also been worried about what the elimination of goody bags might do to the Hollywood re-gifting habit when all that unwanted swag is handed out on birthdays/holidays to loyal servants, maids, gardeners, hairdressers, personal trainers, manicurists, stylists, pet-sitters and yes, even friends.

C’mon, guys. You know you do it.

But gift bags will continue. And the recipients of the Oscar gift basket given at the 2007 awards will be issued appropriate informational tax forms by the Academy and will be responsible for satisfying their income tax obligations.

“We appreciate the Academy’s leadership on this issue,” IRS Commissioner Mark W. Everson says in the release. “The gift basket industry has exploded, and it’s important that the groups running these events keep in mind the tax consequences.”

“We are happy to have reached an agreement with the IRS which works to the benefit of the gift basket recipients and the Academy,” said Academy president Sid Ganis.

Ganis said that it was unclear as to when the practice of thanking Academy Award presenters and performers with baskets began, but that it was well established by the early '70s.  The major stars who present awards on the show are not paid for that service, and the performers receive only the minimum union payment.

Over time these so-called “thank-you gifts” – call them incentives - became more elaborate as hotels, resorts and high-end clothing lines vied to associate their services and products with Hollywood’s most famous names.

In April, the Academy Board of Governors voted to discontinue the practice of thanking Academy Awards presenters and performers with gift baskets.

And publicity about the baskets led Everson to issue a press release three days prior to the 2006 Academy Awards broadcast which focused on gift baskets and pointed out that “movie stars face the same tax obligations as ordinary Americans.” 

“The Commissioner worked some movie titles into his reminder that gave it a humorous spin,” Ganis said, “but the basic message was clear:  the contents of the baskets, however much we may have been inclined to view them as mannerly thank-yous, in fact constitute taxable income.  And since we didn’t want any of our presenters to get hit retroactively for a gift we had given them, we asked the Service if there was a way for us to take on the tax obligations and they were very willing to work with us.”

Whew. Well, at least that’s over with. But somebody should tell IRS Commissioner Everson that this is just the tip of the iceberg. There is more work that must be done. He may not realize that the Oscar gift basket created a virus of freeby fests that sprout up all year round in Hollywood.

And trust me, it’s reached dangerous and toxic levels...

Photo Credits: Hollywood life imitates "Sopranos" art. Michael Imperioli makes off with his goody bag stash at the VHI Big in 2002 Awards. Bet Tony doesn't want it!
WireImage/Jeff Vespa

The Emmy Awards party scene will be missing a VIP - Very Important Puppy - a trend-setting teacup Yorkie named Junebug.

Last Awards season Junebug was seen kissing Paris Hilton at the Gay Idols of Hollywood bash and being petted by “Scrubs” star Zach Braff at the InStyle Golden Globes bash.

She appeared on CNN, the TV Guide Channel and E!, and planned to make her first red carpet appearance with Joan and Melissa Rivers at the upcoming Emmys.

Sadly, Junebug, just one year old, died recently during what should have been a routine spay procedure by a vet reputed to be a small dog expert.

“She was on her way to becoming the next Benji,” says her owner, Jake Dynnis, Hollywood’s canine couturier, who designs Jackrocketwear, an exclusive line of upscale made-to-measure cashmere sweaters, gowns, tuxedos, crystal-studded T’s, as well as doggie spa products and cookies.  

Devastated by Junebug's sudden death, Dynnis tried to bury herself in work. But she'd also lost her best fit model. Most of the hand-made clothes were for Junebug. Even Dynnis' new pet bed – the Junebuggle Bed – was ready to be shown to the pet world. Her dog line has appeared in People, In Touch and InStyle and her doggie spa products were included in the 2006 Golden Globes gift basket. And her celeb clients - Natalie Portman, Mariah Carey, Adrien Brody, Lindsay Lohan, Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, Sharon Osbourne, Jessica Simpson, Nic Cage, Tori Spelling and natch, Paris Hilton - were clamouring for new duds.

Despite her grief, Dynnis got back to business and searched the Yorkie Universe to find a new Yorkie girl named Coco.

Junebug’s breeder, Renotta Oliver, says her website has been flooded with requests for her pocket-sized pups after news of Junebug’s glamorous life and untimely death spread.

Oliver plans to fly to LA and attend a few Emmy parties with Dynnis and Coco. So if you see a new foxy furball - Coco - looking fierce in her Jackrocketwear designer duds, just wave and say "Grrrrr."

Photo Credits: Paris Hilton was caught kissing Junebug earlier this year.
Courtesy of Getty Images.

Photo Credits: Coco, relaxing in her Junebuggle Bed, will make her debut at some Emmy parties. 
Courtesy of Jackrocketwear.com

This Just In:

Done reading the Vanity Fair cover story on how cool, trend-setting and Sphinx-like Kate Moss is?

Then you'll love this.

Now that Moss's big modeling rebirth has been orchestrated, er, achieved, it looks like the super-duped model may be going back to doing what she does best. Getting sloppy, sweaty and singing karoake at a bar with her scrawny, greasy wasted rocker boyfriend.

Maybe she's just rehearsing for a remake of "Sid and Nancy."

I just have one question: Who's taking care of her kid?

Kate Moss's amazing career comeback is now official with her Vanity Fair nude cover.

Who cares, you ask?  Burburry, Calvin Klein Jeans, Louis Vuitton, Dior, David Yurman, and all the other companies that hired Wonder Waif after she emerged from rehab last October, that's who.

These companies - which all feature Moss in major ads in the same September VF - must be pleased with their infamous model's cover and the other glam photos with VF's pure puff piece titled “The Great Sphinx,” a breathy peon to the utter vacuity of Moss's life and bland beauty.

VF also stuck Moss at the top of their International Best Dressed List. Which has gotta leave others on the list - George Clooney, Oprah Winfrey, Gwen Stefani, Condoleezza Rice, CNN’s Anderson Cooper, Prince William and Sofia Coppola - a bit confused.

Ha ha. You guys got beat by a girl who probably gets dressed in the dark in whatever clothing she finds on the floor.

The VF piece on Moss's cult of celebrity actually sings her praises for never using her fame to help charitable organizations or social causes. She’s also never adopted any orphans or supported any controversial cause like feeding the world or stopping global warming. Bravo, Kate.

And VF also professes admiration for Moss's silence during (and since) last year's flap over her caught-on-video alleged cocaine use, her rush to rehab in Phoenix for a few weeks  (where'd she go, Canyon Ranch?) and the subsequent loss of a few high-paying fashion gigs.

But Moss hasn't always been silent. After her 1998 stay at London’s Priory Clinic, for “exhaustion,” she told press that she’d spent the last decade “modeling drunk.” Well, that explains her trademark pose, a blank dead-eyed stare.

Sensing that folks will want to see the beauty's resurrection, designers clamored to put Moss in their Fall '06 campaigns. It's a very clever marketing ploy to take advantage of Moss's post-rehab rise. Or is her post-rehab rise actually the result of the clever marketing? Hmmm.

Does VF think readers buy their lame “Great Sphinx" story? Will readers think its a coincidence that Moss's face appears in half a dozen expensive ads in the magazine? There may actually be even more Moss ads in there. I stopped counting after the cashier gave me a withering “you gonna buy that?” look.

In truth, the VF Moss treatment is brilliantly orchestrated, giving what’s known as “editorial support” for half a dozen major advertisers with just two measly pages of copy. And since these big ad campaigns are usually planned and executed six to nine months in advance, these ads probably were shot the second she got off the plane from Phoenix to London last October.

Sadly, Moss's savvy and swift mea culpa is more admired by the fashion world than any real and meaningful time-consuming recovery.

And so much for changing people, places and things. Not much seems to have changed in Moss's life. She's making more money than ever. And reports are that the now-absolved-from-sin Moss is back (surprise!) with her musician boyfriend Pete Doherty, who now has an implant embedded in his arm to stop him from doing his favorite drugs.

Yeah, good luck with that, Pete.

And while Moss's camp fervently denies an engagement, the on-again lovers are hot n’ heavy and playing tonsel hockey again. Even PerezHilton has noticed that Kate is back to her old tricks again. And he's so right: it's not cute.

It's also not fashionable or admirable.

Photo Credit: Man, being a Style Icon is really, really hard! How do people do this without help from the Snowman? Kate Moss no doubt asks herself this as she yawns recently at a NY restaurant.
WireImage/James Devaney

Photo Credit: Just a few weeks before flitting off to rehab, Kate Moss parties with her AOC (addict of choice) Pete Doherty at Another Magazine party in New York. But don't worry. The repentant supermodel and her implanted rocker are back together. Isn't the high life grand?